Trojans
by stacylk
Summary: After being expelled from his latest school, Peeta Mellark is sent to live with his aunt. There he reconnects with the dark haired girl from next door who's dealing with her own tragic past. Can these two injured souls find peace together? And in the process discover what real love can achieve. Badboy!Peeta and Nerd!Katniss. AU. Banner by shininalltheway
1. Chapter 1

_Rated Adult for Sexual Situations, Character Death, and Language._

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The lyrics and title are property of 'Atlas Genius' and Warner Bros. Records Inc. No copyright infringement is intended._

_Dedication: All my love and gratitude goes to my best friend and Beta Scoutchick104. I depend on her support and our epic discussions about all things Everlark. You are one of the good ones, Sue! And I'm lucky to know you._

**_TROJANS_**

**_Notice: There are mature situations and language in this chapter. Please Be a Responsible Reader._**

_ i. change the locks, change the scene/change it all but can't change what we've been_

The sides of his duffle knock into his shins with every step and Peeta can't help but become annoyed by the repetitive contact. He lifts the bag over his head, swinging it over his shoulder to have it rest at his back as he walks down the concrete sidewalk, kicking gravel as he goes. The edge of his sneakers are already scuffed and worn as alternates walking and kicking the ground, attempting to relieve some of the tension that has his muscles and joints in knots. With a deep exhale, Peeta proceeds down the cracked walk way studying the neighborhood, periodically comparing the present to what he faintly remembers from his child hood. For the most part everything seems to have stayed the same, except for a few homes that have clearly forgone repairs and a new coat of paint, but other than that it looks as though nothing had changed. The air still has the crisp scent he remembers, a contrast from that of the city and he appreciates the simple things a small town like this can offer.

He mentally scolds himself for thinking of his former home which only causes him to remember the reason he impulsively packed his things and walked straight to the nearest bus station. His mother had arranged for him to fly out the next morning but the walls of his step father's town house were closing in on him, until all he felt was trapped, but he recognized his limits and when his self preservation would kick in, usually ending in violence. He had already fouled up enough, just recently being expelled from the latest private school his mother could find that would accept a disciplinary case._ How was he supposed to know that the head master had an extremely attractive daughter who had a thing for fucking on her father's antique desk? _It was safe to assume that his step father hadn't been happy when the school refused to return his payment for Peeta's yearly tuition since he had violated a rule that had been in the school contract. It was still amusing to him that they had deemed the incident as disorderly behavior, he'd been given detention for cutting class and immediately expelled afterwards. He assumed that the girls' father only wanted to punish him as much as the balding man could. His mother had convinced the head master, (he snickered when he had remembered where the girl's mouth had been), not to press charges since the girl was only sixteen and he had recently turned eighteen.

He sat in the den as his mother and step father argued about what they would do about his behavior and where they should send them. Legally his step father could remove him from the premises since he was no longer a minor and the property belonged to the man. Peeta strained to hear their hushed conversation voices occasionally erupting in shouts that echoed off the marbled walls of the foyer. The boy could hear the mention of military school which only made his blood run cold as he worked his hands through his thick blonde curls. Thankfully Peeta's mother had convinced her husband that the best thing would be to send her son off to her hometown where her Aunt Maggie still lived, a small town in the Midwest. The thought that she was yet again sending him away, made his emotions run high and all he could see was red as his temper flared and he threw the sliding doors of the den open. The boy's mother and step father stopped in mid sentence as he began to yell and scream, refusing to be something they discarded when it suited them. His step father had quickly charged forward grabbing him by the collar and pushing his broad shoulders up against the wall. The man wasn't patient, becoming furious when the boy would challenge his parental authority in any manner so it wasn't surprising when he threw Peeta to the floor, his body a pile of limbs.

He could still see the look in his mother's eyes, the disappointment and disgust she held for him, her only child his feeling only reflecting hers. The thirteen hour bus ride beside the elderly man who he was positive had worn a soiled diaper the entire way was worth every second to be rid of his step father's abuse.

Lost in his reverie, Peeta nearly walks past the picket fence that surrounds the yard of his Aunt Maggie's home. The exhaustion has finally settled in now that he's arrived at his destination, leaning forward placing both of his palms on top of the fence, he takes in his new home. He looks down smirking, even with hunching over the fence only reaches his torso. As a child he had barely been able to see over the fence, forever climbing onto it, perched on top as he claimed it as his own. A vivid memory plays out before him as though it were happening in the present and not ten years prior.

_He sees himself, arms raised above his head in triumph as a dark haired girl with a single braid falling over her shoulder, grabs hold of his pant leg forcibly. Her eyes were steely and bright with fury as her temper erupted._

"_You cheated! You watched me the whole time you were supposed to have your eyes closed and counting!"_

_He watches as his younger self shakes his head, causing a cascade of over grown blonde curls to fall into his blue eyes, a glint of mirth playing there. "You can't prove it." He said as he bends over, their faces only inches apart now. "I am the king of the fence and you aren't!"_

_The girl takes her hands from where they rest at her hips, reaching up to his collar, and pulling him from the fence to collide with her on the ground. "That's cause I'm not a king, you bugger butt. Girl's are queens."_

_They roll on the grass taking turns tickling each other, until the girl had easily pinned him to the ground, her bony knees digging into his forearms. "Admit it. Admit that you lost and that I'm better than you, Peeta Mellark."_

_The boy laughs as he struggles free from her weight, pushing her off to land beside him, in a giggling pile of limbs. "Never Katniss Everdeen. I'd rather kiss a dog's butt."_

_Katniss' giggles increase. "I can find a dog for you."_

The lights seemed to dim back to night as the memory fades resting at the back of his mind. Peeta sighs, pushing the squeaky gate open, the tone the same as he remembers it giving off as a kid. The walk way is short and he reaches the front porch steps in only a short stride, the bottom step creaking from years of use and in need of replacement. Peeta pulls the strap of his duffle from his arm throwing the bag to the porch as he reaches up along the door frame, remembering where Maggie would keep the spare key incase she locked herself out. He feels the grooves of the key, curling his fingers down over it to place it into the key hole turning it to the left. The click is loud, echoing on the deserted porch before he turns the knob and pushes the door open. Peeta bends down to retrieve his bag before standing up and walking over the threshold. The smell of vanilla invades his senses causing him to recall a plethora of child hood memories of running through the halls, giggling, and teasing the dark haired girl who lived next door. Peeta scratches the back of his head as he pulls the door shut, he hadn't thought about her in years but the flash of her face as she stuck her tongue out at him reminded him that the memory he had outside featured the same girl, Katniss Everdeen.

He doesn't want to turn on a light, and wake his aunt, but thankfully she has tiny night lights plugged in that illuminate the living room just enough that he spots the deep plush carpet of the stairs. Peeta remembered digging his toes into the fabric, reveling in the feel of it underneath his toes, the way it would tickle his feet. The rest of the first floor is covered in the original hard wood, but Maggie had always been proud of the purple carpeting that covered the stairs. It reminded Peeta of something royalty would have laid out for their presence, which only made him smile as he ascended up to the second floor, it was his own welcoming sign. When he reached the landing he spotted the door that led to the room he stayed in when he was younger. The wood was the same red color he had painted it when he was five, and he couldn't stop the smile that had begun to form just minutes prior. Maggie was one of the few people in his life who hadn't forgotten about him, but he reminded himself that there was always the possibility that she just favored the door that color and it nothing to do with sentiment on her part.

The duffle on his arm begins to bother him with how cumbersome it is, prompting Peeta to open the door at last. A gust of wind hits his face traveling from the opened window across the room, and the faint scent of mint fills his nostrils. It seems out of place in the room but he sets the thought aside along with his bag as he throws it in the corner by the aged dresser. The moon light filtering in from the window enables him to see enough to walk to the private bathroom connected to the room. He can just spot the king sized bed that is pushed up against the wall and he's thankful that Maggie hadn't kept the twin bed he had once slept in. Peeta makes it to the bathroom door, only knocking his shin into the bed frame once, and reaches for the light switch flipping it up. The florescent lighting in the bathroom blinds him momentarily as he had become used to the darkness filling the rest of the house.

Peeta catches his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he shuts the door behind him, a habit from sharing a community bathroom at boarding school, but habits seem to stay with him even the ones he knows he should stop. He leans forward pressing his forehead into the cool glass exhaling slowly before standing up again to survey his appearance. The ends of his over grown bangs stick to his skin and he reaches up to smooth his hair back, the curls sticking up every which way. Peeta pulls the hem of his t-shirt over his head throwing it beside the toilet with his sneakers, socks and pants soon following. He debates taking a shower but there's a chance that the warm water will only revive him and he desperately seeks sleep. He had been too paranoid to find rest on the bus and there were moments when he questioned his impulsive act. Now he reasons that there's only a few more hours till he'll actually have to get up and let Maggie know that he's already arrived, he can shower then.

Shutting the light off, he opens the door, padding into the room with only his boxer shorts on. The wind moving into the room is welcome on his back his skin flushed from the humidity during his long walk from the bus station. Peeta pulls the blanket back, his fingers curling over the edge of the sheet to pull it along as he slips inside, attempting to settle in. His head hit the pillow a contented sigh escaping his lips as he stretched out. He stills when his foot comes in contact with what feel like the back of someone's leg, too petite and hairless to be his, it feels like it belongs to a women.

He doesn't have long to ruminate on the situation before a dark head of hair springs up and he comes face to face with deep grey eyes, and before he can utter a word a loud high pitch scream comes from her lips. It tears through his mind and he sits up beside her to hold his hands over his ears hoping to muffle some of the sound. His sudden movement must have startle her further because before he can piece a thought together the knuckles of her right fist connect with his jaw, and the force of the action sends him off the bed, landing on the floor in a rumpled mess. The girl is still wailing when the light suddenly comes on and he can feel footsteps vibrating, signaling someone entering the room. Peeta places his hand on his injured jaw, the muscles there ticking away, in sync with his pulse, as he sits up. He spots his Aunt Maggie, her graying hair tied into a tight bun for sleep, as she holds the girl close rocking her as you would a frightened child.

The weight of the mattress is redistributed as he leans onto it, alerting the girl of his presence. She turns towards him, breaking free of Maggie's embrace to stare him down. "He attacked me!"

Peeta jumps up from the floor, his hand still holding onto his face while the other points at the girl on the bed accusingly. "Bullshit! You crazy ass, you attacked me!"

Her eyes are still narrowed in his direction. "You crawled into bed with me."

Peeta rolls his eyes. "You make it sound like I'm some pervert that waited for to go to sleep so I could molest you."

She pushes away from Maggie, settling on her knees and turning towards him fully. "Well didn't you!"

Peeta scoffs. "Oh sweetheart. You may fill out those sleep shorts alright but I usually don't get handsy with nut jobs who nearly knock me out."

Maggie sighs heavily as she snaps her fingers into the air attempting to gain his attention. Peeta steps to the side to get a better view of her due to the girl blocking her from him. "I thought you were coming in the morning."

Peeta glances at the girl who was watching him closely until turning and giving his full attention to his aunt. "I got tired of waiting, so I decided to take the bus."

Maggie shook her head. "That's a very long trip to take, when you could have waited a few more hours and flew."

He began to rub at the sore spot on his jaw. "Like I said I got impatient, but seeing that I could have forgone a beating I should have just sat in the airport all night."

Maggie nods as she scoots off of the bed tugging at the girl's arm, prompting her to follow. "Come Katniss, let's get you to a bed where you won't have to resort to violence."

Peeta watches as the girl pushes off the bed, her tank top rising up a bit at the back showing a good portion of soft olive skin. "Wait. You're Katniss? The girl who used to live next door?"

Katniss turns towards him as Maggie stops at the door. "Yes. And I still live there."

"Then why don't you sleep there?"

Katniss mumbles an insult his way as she turns towards the door to join Maggie, he watches the muscles at the back of her thighs flex, he hadn't been lying when he had complimented her on the way she wore her shorts, but he deemed that her crazy out weighed the slight attraction he felt towards her._ Because hell he could become hard for pretty much anyone who didn't have a cock between their legs. _Maggie spots him watching the girl exit her expression slightly amused. She waves at him as she pulls the door closed.

Peeta suddenly feels dejected, his voice high and hurt. "Hey! I'm the one that is injured here!" He waits for a response but soon the silence again fills the room. He holds onto the side of his face, his eyes roaming over where Katniss had been sleeping. It irritated him that she had been using his space to rest, normally he wouldn't have complained if a girl had been in his bed but something about this one got under his skin. And besides he hates the fact that someone who's a hundred pounds dripping wet could hit harder than he could that only infuriates him further.

* * *

She kicks off the spare blanket that had been positioned at the foot of the bed, as she attempts to settle. The air is thicker in this room than it had been in the previous one, she assumes that the window hasn't been opened in here in quite awhile. An anxious energy runs through her limbs and she shifts her body, irritated. She had been comfortable where she was before having to come into an unfamiliar room, it only infuriated her that she had been pushed out because he was too much of an idiot to actually arrive when he said he would. She could already tell that he had the tendency to be impulsive and unpredictable and it just seemed to bother her. Katniss exhaled slowly as she lifted her hand in front of her face using the moon light that filtered into the room to inspect the damage. She flexed her fingers which still felt a bit stiff but she could already feel the tension ebb, and even in the low light she could see that there weren't any bruises forming but the knuckles had swelled, the skin there irritated. She couldn't help the satisfied smile that formed at her lips, she wasn't normally a violent person, in fact she went out of her way to avoid any conflict usually. Her tendency to retreat with in herself, mentally and emotionally, was an instinct that she and her councilor had been trying to correct for years now. And there were times when Katniss felt confident enough to overcome her own fears, but when the occasion arose to act, she would shut down. But something about this boy, that she had known as a little girl caused her to react entirely opposite than she would have had if he had been anyone else.

After she recognized him as the boy she had known, it didn't take her long to compare the young man in front of her to child she had been close to. Katniss could already see that he was different, she had remembered him quiet and reserved sitting underneath the tree that was rooted between their houses, allowing them access to each others other's window. It had been the way she had made it into the room that night. He would sketch in a notebook, his head down as he held his tongue between his teeth as he attempted to etch a line just so. He had only been eleven then, but she had marveled at the way he could capture life, he had a light inside of him. But the young man she had seen earlier no longer had that spark, he seemed to be drowning, just as she was.

Katniss rolled onto her side, hoping that the new position would help her finally fall back to sleep. She lifted up enough so that she could pull her hair from underneath her, gathering the strands and moving them above her head. She could feel her body relax but as soon as her breathing began to level out the image of him, the boy, Peeta she remembered his name being, flooded into her mind once again. She groaned in irritation at her ability to pick the utmost worst times to let her mind wander, and usually the things she thought about were incredibly inappropriate, a side effect, her counselor told her was from censoring herself so much. Katniss hadn't missed the way his shoulders had flexed when he had held onto his face after she had struck him, or the way his toned abs held the smallest amount of body hair. She couldn't deny that he had become even more attractive than he was when they were younger, even then she had noticed the way his golden curls made his deep blue eyes shine. Katniss shifts moving her right leg against her left causing friction and it's then that a warm tingle builds at her thighs traveling up to settle beneath her cotton boy shorts. She abruptly stills, she can feel a flush heat her cheeks and she's thankful for the solitude. Her body stays still until she trails the tips of her fingers up her thigh to rest at the waist band of her panties. She can feel her fingers twitch, her inhibitions free, but at the last second she sighs loudly falling onto her back. Katniss' muscles tense and she curses at herself for being so ridiculous to think of someone who she hasn't known for the past six years in such a way. She wills her mind to quiet down, but she can't erase the sight of him half naked out of her mind. Before her hands could roam her body once again, Katniss reaches for the pillow beside her, holding it against her face, screaming all her frustrations into it, hoping it muffles the sound. When she finally feels like she has a hold on her actions, she throws it to the side. Her body has begun to relax once again, allowing her to fall asleep, as she hopes for once she can have a dreamless sleep, one without nightmares of the day her mother died. However to her dismay, and perhaps pleasure, his face is the last thing she thinks of before she drifts off.

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_A/N: I've had this one waiting on my computer waiting to be published for a while. I would love to know what you all think. **Please Review.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you to everyone who has followed, favorited, and reviewed._

_I also need to thank my wonderful Beta, sixela872. Also a very talented fellow author, and soul sister optimus-pam for pre-reading. If you are not reading 'A Marriage Between Victors' than you should be. And I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge and thank shininalltheway for the beautiful banner for this fic._

_I can be reached on tumblr under the username: stacylk_

_ii. for all those times is that what you get?_

He shifts against the kitchen counter as he balances the cereal bowl in his hand. The spoon clanks against the ceramic dish as he takes in the kitchen. A warm light coming from the window above his head bathes the room, causing everything to become bright. It's odd to him how everything seems exactly the same, but something still feels off.

Peeta doesn't give it any more thought as he picks his spoon back up to shovel another spoon full of cereal into his mouth. The quiet of his aunt's home is a welcome change from the over- crowded boarding schools he was accustomed to.

Peeta sighs as he uses the handle of his spoon to scratch an itch on his bare chest before turning the flatware back around to take another bite. He had initially debated putting on clothes before leaving his room but the thought of having the girl come downstairs and see him half naked appealed to him. She had quirked a curiosity in him that fueled his need to get a rise out of her. He was still annoyed by her and he thought, at the very least, teasing her could be a type of entertainment for him while he was here. When the creak from the stairs echoes through the silent kitchen, Peeta cranes his neck to peer around the corner. He's not sure if he is disappointed or relieved when his Aunt Maggie comes walking into the room, her silver hair gathered in both hands as she twists the strands into a tight bun.

Maggie stops mid-step to observe him silently as she takes in his appearance. "You know in this part of the country we wear clothes to breakfast." Peeta shrugs as Maggie walks to him and snatches the bowl and spoon from his hands while ignoring his protests. "We also sit at the table."

Peeta smirks as she set the dishes down at the worn table. "I felt like standing." She eyes him for a second before shaking her head and laughing.

Maggie walks over to the shelves beside him. He watches as she pulls a bag of powdered sugar down and sets it on the counter. "I suppose I should say welcome back, since last night's greeting wasn't particularly traditional."

He laughs as he gave her a playful push. "Yeah, I'd say some bed stealer punching me wasn't exactly normal." Peeta scratches his brow. "Although I have been knocked out once or twice but it was always because some jerk found me screwing his girl."

Maggie clears her throat before glancing at him. "I called your mother this morning."

Peeta turns toward the counter as he mindlessly picks at the bag of powdered sugar. "Oh?"

Maggie nods. "Yes, and imagine her surprise when I told her that you had already arrived."

Peeta scoffs. "Oh I bet she was really broken up about it."

She shakes her head. "Peeta, you can't always throw a tantrum because someone upsets you. You're mother isn't perfect but no one is. Just because people disappoint you it doesn't give you the right to act like an ass."

He grips the counter tightly as he raises a brow. "Mags, let's be honest? Being disappointed in each other is what this family does best." She drops her hands from the French toast ingredients and turns to look at him. "You were forced to raise mom because grandma, your sister, wanted to go and hitchhike with all the other hippies. And then when my mother was old enough to get knocked up I came along and you took care of me for years." Maggie narrows her eyes at him. "Some families have ugly sweaters they wear on holidays. We have resentment." He shrugs. "It's what we do."

Mags reaches out and flicks his ear. "How did you get so cynical?"

Peeta pushes her hand away playfully. "It's a refined skill."

His aunt shakes her head as she walks across the kitchen collecting what she needs to prepare breakfast. Peeta turns around, his bare back pressing into the edge of the counter. He folds his arms over his chest, watching her work while he periodically utters a snarky reply or sarcastic comment.

Peeta is enjoying the smell of cooking bacon when he catches a glimpse of dark hair walking into the room. He pushes himself off the counter as she enters, waiting for her to notice his state of undress. Peeta chuckles when recognition and finally a deep blush show on her face. He grins widely as Katniss walks by him to stand near Maggie.

The older woman glances over to Katniss with a genuine smile at her lips. "Good morning, dear."

Katniss offers her a slight smile. "Morning."

Maggie turns off the burner before forking up the cooked meat. "Would you like something to eat?"

Katniss shakes her head. "No thank you," she said in a near whisper.

Peeta stands quietly, taking in their exchange as he watches Katniss closely. She keeps unconsciously tugging at the fabric of her pajama bottoms. "I do like those shorts." Katniss turns to him sharply, her eyes wide with surprise as though she had forgotten he had been standing there. Peeta gives her a crooked grin before walking over to the fridge to pull out some juice.

Maggie glances at him before bringing her attention back to Katniss. "It's not that I mind that you sleep the night here, Katniss. I'm happy to have you. But use the front door from now on. Okay?" Katniss nodded.

Peeta catches her eye from over the top of the juice bottle as he takes a swig. "Yeah." He closes the fridge door and makes his way to the table chair that is placed only a few feet from Katniss. He could feel her eyes on his bare body with only his boxer shorts keeping him from being completely nude, and he feels an odd rush knowing she was looking. He sits down, straddling the chair and hanging his arms over the edge with the juice container hanging from his fingers. "Besides, climbing into other people's homes using trees is a felony," he said, "not to mention creepy."

She narrows her eyes. "And you would know creepy." She sticks out her tongue at him, earning a chuckle from Peeta. With a sigh she turns toward Maggie. "Have a good day."

Maggie gives her a nod. "You too, dear."

Peeta watches Katniss leave the kitchen and not long after hears the back door close. "That one has problems." He shakes his head before taking another drink and swiping at his mouth to clear the excess liquid. "She's so aggressive."

Maggie walks over to the cabinet and pulls two plates free. "Hmm, interesting you think that."

Peeta's wrinkles his forehead in confusion. "Why?"

She shrugs. "Well, Katniss is usually so reserved and quiet. It's a task to get more than five words out of her, let alone any eye contact."

Peeta scoffs as he swings his legs to the front of the chair. "Well, she didn't seem to be shy around me after she knocked me one last night."

Maggie walks over to the table with two plates and snatches the juice from his hands before sitting down. "Maybe that's more of a commentary on you than her." Peeta rolls his eyes at her but in the back of his mind he wonders if she has a point. He leans back into the chair as Maggie pours a glass of juice. "Also, please go put some clothes on. Katniss is no longer here to torture with your nakedness."

He attempts to argue but Maggie wordlessly points toward the stairs. Peeta grunts as he stands up and makes his way to his room. He's halfway up the stairs when the memory of Katniss in her pajamas comes to mind. Peeta tries to push the image away but the way the sunlight shown on her dark, mussed hair was enough to give him an inkling of want.

* * *

Katniss pulls the door closed after her as she makes her way downstairs to the kitchen, blindly braiding the wet strands of her hair as she jogs down the steps. After leaving Maggie's she had taken a shower and dressed. She lay on her bed for a while listening to the sounds that an older house makes. When she was little she would close her eyes and pretend it was her mother coming to see her and that her passing had only been an awful nightmare.

Rolling over to look at the alarm clock, Katniss finds that it's midmorning. She unfortunately, isn't surprised that her father hadn't come home. There was a part of her that didn't blame him for his reluctance to come home, because even she dreaded returning to a place so haunted with grief. With a sigh she pushes herself up from her bed and heads downstairs.

Katniss secures the end of her braid with an elastic band she wears around her wrist. She jumps over the last step, landing hard on the carpeted floor. Katniss walks over to the side table where her black rimmed glasses sit and places them on her face. She hums softly to herself as she makes it into the kitchen.

She's pulling a box of cereal out of the cabinet when she hears the front door open and shut. "Hey, dad," she calls out.

Katniss is pouring the cereal into a bowl before her father enters the room. She pulls the milk from the fridge while he sits down at the table and puts his face in his hands. She can tell by his slumped shoulders that he didn't slept well - but he never did. Katniss grabs a spoon before sitting down across from him at the table. She pushes the cereal around with her spoon as she watches him closely. His hairline has already begun to grey and Katniss assumes it is the emotional stress, more than age, wearing down her father's appearance.

She clears her throat, causing him to look up at her. "Did you sleep at the store last night?"

He works his hands through his mussed hair. "I guess I nodded off." Her father got a far off look on his face. It is the one he wears when he's thinking of his late wife. "A lot of new inventory has come in and I wanted to get it all sorted out."

Katniss nods before looking down at her bowl. "If it's getting to be too much work you know I can always come and help out."

Her father shakes his head as he sits up. "No, it's fine." He rubs his hands over his face, attempting to wake himself more. "How are your after school clubs going? You know your mother was always involved in something."

Katniss grits her teeth to stop herself from making an unnecessary comment. "Yeah dad, you've told me." She sighs as she pushed her now soggy breakfast around the bowl. "Actually, school's been out for a couple of weeks."

He had been looking far off again, clearly back in his own world, but looks over to her in surprise. "Is that right?"

Katniss nods. "Yeah." She looks up to see the grief work over his features before waving the misunderstanding off. "Don't worry about it. If I wasn't actually in school I wouldn't have noticed either."

Her father gives her a sad smile before pushing his chair away from the table. "I think I'm going to go take a shower and try to get a few hours of sleep before going back to the store."

Katniss watches him stand up and leave the room. "Okay."

She stares after him for a moment before pushing her bowl away from her. She has lost her appetite, especially now that the cereal was nothing more than milky mush. Katniss leans back in her chair and reaches up to push her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. She had learned long ago that trying to reason with her father when it came to her mother was a futile task. He had created an idea of his late wife that he wasn't ready to let go of even if most of it was the opposite of the truth. There were times that Katniss wanted to tell him how lonely she was and that he seemed more loyal to someone who had died than his own living daughter. But, like most of the thoughts pertaining to her parents, Katniss pushes it away and keeps her face indifferent – even throwing in the rare smile. So she never argues with her father when he spends most of his time at his hardware business, leaving her alone.

She feels hollower inside with each passing day.

With a sigh, Katniss pushes from the table picking up her bowl before walking over to the sink and placing the dish down. She pours the ruined cereal into the garbage disposal and rinses it out. When she looks up out of the window she catches a glance of Peeta across the way standing in Maggie's kitchen. Her kitchen window is directly across from theirs, giving her a clear view of him. His head is thrown back as he laughs at something his aunt has said and she can feel that familiar tingle return.

When she had walked into the kitchen that morning to find him bare chested her fingers involuntarily twitched, reminding her of how she had touched herself to the thought of him. Shame had closely followed but later that morning in Maggie's kitchen he had begun to tease her and her shame was replaced by annoyance. As annoyed as he made her, hearing his comments on her shorts and feeling his eyes on her sent a thrill though her that she was equally embarrassed and excited about.

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_A/N: Thank you for your interest in this story. I am halfway through with it as of today and I'm hoping to begin with regular updates until it's completed. And don't forget to **REVIEW**. Thank you!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you to everyone who has taken an interest in this story, and has followed, favorited and reviewed._

_I have to also thank my brilliant Beta, sixela872. She's wonderful and puts up with all of my errors and whining. And thank you to optimus_pam and Scoutchick104 for pre-reading._

_I can be reached on tumblr under the username: stacylk_

_iii: take off all the thoughts of what we've been_

He pulls the door closed behind him as he enters his room. The fleeting sunlight shines through the window and covering the bedroom in a warm, rich light. He kicks the stray pieces of dirty laundry out of his way as he makes his way to his bed. Peeta fights the urge to completely collapse on it and decides to sit instead. He runs his hands through his hair and chokes back vomit when the sickeningly sweet fragrance of her perfume wafts up from his shirt.

His aunt had sent him to the store for a few groceries and while he was perusing the produce aisle he looked up to see a busty blonde watching him. He kept his place, pretending that he hadn't noticed her eyes on him. When the tapping of her heels echoed on the linoleum floor he grinned widely. It only took a few subtle touches and compliments before she had dragged him to the stock room and his hands were underneath her skirt. Peeta went through the motions as she writhed against the wall. He clenched his jaw as he pushed into her and tried to forget at least for a moment about how lonely and damaged he really was.

Peeta blocked out her gasps for air and moans as he held onto her. He could feel his own orgasm approach and as it built he closed his eyes. What came to mind was the slender build of a petite frame with a head of dark hair cascading down her back. Peeta's eyes shot open and he pulled away from the blonde. She began to protest, but he ignored her as he adjusted himself and left the room. He knew that his arousal was still evident so he ignored the few odd looks from the other customers and employees.

He is reeling over the fact that he had been thinking of the strange girl from next door. Peeta had been through his fair share of girls already in the few short weeks he'd been in town. The encounters were nothing beyond instant gratification and he was comfortable with not involving emotions. He was skilled at separating his physical needs from his feelings, and the girls he had been with were never able to get past his defenses.

However, he can't seem to get Katniss off of his mind.

She seems to have an invisible hold on him and it unsettles him. Peeta remembers the first time he heard her walk up the stairs and pass his door late one night. Maggie had begun leaving the door unlocked so she could sleep over if needed, since entering the house through the window of the room that is now his bedroom was no longer an option.

He vividly remembers jumping up from his bed before he realizes what he's doing. His hand wrapped around the knob ready to pull open the door before he thinks against it. Peeta releases the handle and slides down the wall to sit on the floor, feeling confused.

Being utterly confused was something he was neither accustomed to nor happy about being.

Peeta had never regretted his decisions, even when they harmed someone else, but being around her affected him. He would often find himself looking out his window hoping to catch a glimpse of her in her bedroom and when he did share a look with her it was more intimate than anything sexual.

After a few minutes he pulls himself up from the floor and settles back into his bed. It wasn't long until he is closing his eyes and imagining what her olive skin would feel like underneath his fingers, his fingers flexing as he fantasizes about running his hands over her curves and muscular legs.

The potential of her was more exhilarating than the dozens of girls he had actually slept with. So every night he would wait up until he heard her walk up the stairs and walk past his door. One night he had actually started to open the door but closed it shortly after. Routinely, he would stand there for a moment before going back to bed and thinking of the ways he could touch her.

Coming back to the present, he stares out the window at nothing in particular until his gaze finds her across the way. The dark green curtains in her room are wide open, giving him a clear view of the space. She is sitting in the center of her bed leaning forward as she reads. Peeta watches her reach up and wind the end of her braid around her fingers idly. When she sits up abruptly and pushes the papers from her bed, he leans closer.

With his curiosity peaked, Peeta studies her for a moment. His eyes roam over the bit of skin that her tank top doesn't hide and even from yards away he can see the delicate curve of her breasts. He even finds himself liking the way her black rimmed glasses fall down the bridge of her nose as she reads. Peeta can feel himself becoming lost in the thoughts of her that he normally reserves for night, and runs his hands through his hair.

He knows that their relationship will never go beyond sharp insults and yearning but in the moments when he hears her walk up the stairs and move towards his door, he can feel himself hope.

Peeta lets out an exasperated sigh as he breaks his gaze from her and notices the discarded pad of paper he had been sketching on earlier in the day. He stares at the paper for a moment before a wide grin covers his face.

Bending down, he retrieves the pad and picks up a black marker before sitting back up. Peeta uses his mouth to uncap the marker and spits it out to the side as he quickly writes something down. He laughs out loud as he holds the pad up high assuring that when she does glance his way she'll be able to make out the words. Peeta holds it up for a while and, just as he is considering turning on the lamp beside his bed to light the room, she looks towards him. He can tell when she fully registers what she's read and he can't fight the toothy grin that covers his face.

_**So, where are those shorts?**_

Peeta sees her narrow her eyes until she looks to the notebook in her lap and begins to scribble something. When she holds it up he busts out laughing.

_**I burned them! Since you were so interested in them I thought it was time to put them to rest.**_

He shakes his head as he writes before turning towards her.

_**Too bad :( **__**. I would have liked to hold onto them when they were still warm. Do you think I could have the ashes?**_

Katniss' reaction is priceless to him as her mouth falls open before she narrows her eyes and turns the page in a fit to write something else. This goes on for a while as they trade insults and Peeta tries to make her uncomfortable by his comments.

When he feels that she couldn't possibly surprise him more she jumps up from her bed and presses the notebook to the window so he can clearly see what she's written. He sits there watching her fume as she holds the note to the glass with only one word written in black Capital letters.

_**WHORE**_

Peeta throws his head back and collapses on the bed laughing. He knew she could be fiery but this was a side of her that excited him and he was interested in how far he could push her.

* * *

She leans back against the soft pillows of her bed as she looks up at the ceiling of her room. Her mind refuses to quiet as it races about things as inane as what she'll choose to eat to important issues like what she really means to those around her.

Katniss sighs as she thinks about her father and the fog in which he leads his life. His day revolves around his small business and she doesn't doubt that he loves her but there are times when he looks at her and seems to look right through her.

Each time, she can feel the rising urge to scream at him, begging him to notice her. She wants to tell him that she needs to be seen, but often she eventually decides against it and gives him a small smile.

Earlier when she had been helping out at the store her father looked past her as though she weren't even there. It was as though through his own neglect she was becoming more invisible each day. When he told her he would be staying at the store late she just nodded and left without a word.

Katniss sits up and scoots to the center of her bed where the papers she had laid out earlier remain. The letterheads with the insignias of different colleges mock her. She had read through each acceptance letter more than once and there was a part of her that would have been happier with rejection.

She hadn't originally planned on applying to college but her adviser had been on her case for weeks about filling out the forms and eventually she had conceded. When she sent them off she assumed she wouldn't hear anything but a negative response, so when she continued to receive letters of congratulations in the mail she could feel her heart sink. She could never leave her father alone, because it was her responsibility to make sure he was taken care of. Her mother had left them both willingly and Katniss couldn't be another person who broke his heart. And if by some miracle she did decide that he could survive without her, Katniss wasn't comfortable with change of any kind. In her experience, change broke families apart when nothing was left but a chasm of despair and grief. She was well aware about the loneliness she felt but after so long it was more of a comfort to her than any one person could be.

Katniss sighs as she sits up, working her hands through her dark hair. The ends catch on the hinges of her glasses and she has to pull her hair free gingerly. She's in the middle of cursing her poor eyesight when she looks out her window. Katniss pushes her glasses back up her nose as she sees the door of the bedroom across the yard from hers open and he walks in.

His shoulders are hunched over and she's struck by how different he looks when he's not acting overly cocky or flirty. It's also interesting to her how attractive he is when he's not trying to be noticed. She can't deny the way she had felt her body tingle and her skin flush when she had walked into the kitchen that one morning and found him half-dressed,. But when she would see him sit on his porch with a pad of paper deep in thought or across the way through the window laughing with Maggie, Katniss had never seen him look so handsome.

Her eyes drift to the wide expanse of his chest as she watches him kick a few clothes away while making his way to his bed. Katniss has caught herself appreciating his body more than once and sometimes when she's particularly lonely she closes her eyes and imagines how his hands would feel roaming over the curves of her body.

When Peeta sits down on his bed and looks over at her she averts her eyes as a deep blush forms at her cheeks. She stares down at her bed but her eyes aren't concentrated on anything in particular as the boy next door fills her thoughts.

Katniss remembers the first night she had stayed over at Maggie's after she had punched him. She had initially decided that she would stay at her own home all night but the empty house had threatened to choke her with its over powering silence, so she had walked over next door and let herself in. When she had made her way up the stairs, Katniss found herself waiting outside his door. She wasn't sure why but there was a need to see him again. It may have been a deranged curiosity on her part but there was an interest there all the same. However, it didn't take long until the fear of rejection had gotten the best of her and she had retreated to the room down the hall.

Katniss attempts to push him from her mind but the more she fought it the more he seemed to be all she thought of. She reminded herself that Peeta was not the sort of guy she should be interested in. He hadn't been in town long but already she was hearing stories about he had already slept with most of the girls she went to school with. Granted, most were probably rumors but there was always some truth to the lies.

On top of being promiscuous, he was insufferable and crude and it seemed he always tried to get a rise out her when he saw her. She thought of the boy she had met at science camp the year before and how shy he had been. It was a mystery how they both had ended up in his bunk together naked, since neither one was that skilled when it came to being social, but Katniss supposed there was nothing social about some guy taking her virginity. Katniss cringed when the memory came back to her and she groaned as she pushed the letters off her bed.

She looks over to her side to see the notebook she had been doodling in before she had brought her acceptance letters out. Katniss forces her mind to clear while she traces lopsided hearts on the page and writes her name in large looped letters. She's halfway through a poor drawing of a floppy-eared dog when she looks up.

Peeta is now looking toward her as he holds up a pad of paper with something written on it. It takes her a minute to make out the words but when she does and he's asking about the pajamas she had worn that night she can feel her temper flare. She can't write her response fast enough and when she holds it up for him he begins to laugh about her burning the piece of clothing. Katniss waits for his response and even though she was prepared for something crude when he writes about wanting the shorts she can't stop her shocked reaction.

They go back and forth for a bit, each trading a barb about the other and it's the first time Katniss has felt this alive in awhile. When he says something incredibly sexual she writes the word whore in bold letters and jumps up from her bed to push the paper against the window. He begins to laugh as he reads it and lays back on his bed. She grins to herself knowing that she's won this round but when he sits up and begins to write she watches him closely as he stand up and press the note to the glass. He's written it in bold letters like she had.

_**PRUDE**_

Katniss narrows her eyes at his pleased expression and closes her curtains shut. She grips the material tightly as she stands there. She's not sure how to react but when she begins to laugh uncontrollably and falls to the floor in a fit of giggles she has to wonder how exactly the blonde haired boy from next door can infuriate and excite her in the same moment.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you for reading! I'm over halfway through with writing this fic and I hope to have it completed and posted very soon. As always **PLEASE REVIEW!**_


	4. Chapter 4

_Thank you to everyone who has followed, favorited, and reviewed. I need those reviews so keep them rolling in._

_I have to thank my Beta, sixela872 for all the work she does to make me seem like a capable writer. I really don't know what I would do without her. And thank you to optimus_pam and Scoutchick104 for pre-reading._

_I can be reached on tumblr under the username: stacylk_

_And at my new blog that is set aside for only my writing: fightingdragonsanddrawingfairies_

_iv. your trojan's in my head._

She sits there attempting to piece together the wallpaper patterns that don't match up. It is an odd game, devised over years of having to sit through therapy. It gives the impression she was listening when in reality she couldn't be paying any less attention. Katniss is half way through matching up a petal with the other half the flower when she realizes that the room was suddenly silent.

Her eyes dart over to the slim brunette who sits across from her, a small smile on the doctor's lips. Vera Strider is the most recent in a long line of therapists that Katniss had seen over the years.

After her mother died and Katniss had stopped talking or communicating to anyone in any form, her father had been approached by many of her teachers who were concerned about her lack of socializing. It was easier for Katniss to retreat within herself than have to explain to someone else why her mother was no longer in her life. In her mind she could fly or tame circus lions and she was brave and happy and not the scared little girl who everyone looked on with pity.

So as the years passed and she became even more withdrawn, she found herself sitting in rooms with strangers who wanted her to suddenly be more open and normal. Most, she felt, pushed too hard or were indifferent when dealing with her care, but Dr. Strider genuinely seemed to care. Katniss had formed a slight rapport with the therapist, allowing her to be comfortable with small talk and shallow anecdotes about her life. She never questioned Katniss about why she would grip and wring her fingers until they were red and cramped. Instead, she had waited for Katniss to bring it up on her own terms and the doctor had pointed out that it was a physical manifestation of her anxiety.

Katniss stares at the woman wide eyed, half guilty and half scared for being caught not paying attention. She keeps silent as she watches the doctor lean forward. Katniss feels uneasy under her gaze - or anyone's for that matter when it lingered too long.

"What do you remember about your mother?"

Katniss opens her mouth more than once before she is able to speak. The question taking her by surprise.

"What do you mean?"

Dr. Strider tilts her head to the side as she takes in Katniss's rigid posture. "When you think about her, what usually comes to mind?"

Katniss reaches up to rub at her neck roughly as the tension in her muscles intensifies.

"I try not to think about her."

The doctor nodded. "But when you do."

Katniss can't seem to sit still as her legs shake and her hands fidget with everything from the hem of her shirt to the threads on the couch. An anxiety that only comes with discussions of her mother washes over her and she has to take a deep breath to steady herself.

"Light." A smile forms at her lips despite the pain she is feeling.

"She was always laughing and when she would hug me I could feel this warmth coming from her. My father used to say that she was born from the sun because of how she would light up a room."

Dr. Strider smiles warmly at the girl's memory. "It sounds like they loved each other very much."

The small smile falls from Katniss's lips to form into a hard line. "I sometimes think it was more reverence than love, at least on his part." Katniss lowered her face to her now clasped hands. "But I suppose in all fairness it's difficult for me to believe in romantic love."

"Because of your parents?"

Katniss looks up as she digs her nails into her palm. "Because it's impractical to feel so strongly for an individual who is as flawed as you are."

Dr. Strider shakes her head. "Love isn't about being practical, Katniss," she says, her voice soft.

Her tone only irritates Katniss more. "Maybe it should be."

The doctor is silent for a moment as she watches Katniss, the tension finally beginning to ebb. Dr. Strider sighs loudly before speaking. "Sometimes it's about knowing someone who takes us by surprise. Is there anyone who does that for you?"

Katniss finally feels herself relax as she sits back. The skin at her arms begin to pimple as an image of a broad, bare torso comes to mind. "There's this guy that I knew when I was younger. He just moved back next door."

Dr. Strider sits up straight, her curiosity clearly peeked. It isn't a normal occurrence for Katniss to be so open with information. "Well, what's he like?"

Katniss rolls her eyes while she folds her arms over her chest. "He's irritating and crude." A sudden surge of energy comes over her. "And he has no regard for anyone else around him and it's like he goes out of his way to tease me and make me uncomfortable," she says, trying to ignore how high- pitched her voice sounds.

Dr. Strider attempts to hold back the grin threatening to form at her lips. Katniss's reactions are usually so calculating, from when she would smile or when she would sigh, so to see her allow herself to feel, even if it is annoyance, is a welcomed change. "You seem interested by him."

Katniss leans forward, throwing her hands up. "What?! No!" She reaches for the end of her braid, twisting the free strands around her fingers in a nervous habit. "Absolutely not."

"Oh, my mistake."

Katniss continues to wrap her braid around her hand as she narrows her eyes. "Why would you think I liked him?"

The doctor sighs as she smiles. "You've been coming to see me for a while now and, yes, we've had some conversations but in all this time I've never seen you talk about anyone with as much conviction or promise as you do this neighbor."

Katniss drops her braid and scoots to the edge of the couch, her mouth open to protest before Dr. Strider interrupts. "It is alright to invest in people, Katniss. And, yes, sometimes they will disappoint you, but other times they may surprise you."

There was nothing she could do but stare blankly at the woman. It was a silly notion to expect anything but disappointment from the people in her life. Even her father, who she loved dearly, was repeatedly letting her down. People didn't rise to the occasion and Katniss had come to realization that she couldn't resent those who fell short. Because all we are, are our faults.

Dr. Strider waits for her to speak but when Katniss continues to look at her with little expression she decides to change the topic. "What else has happened since we last spoke?"

This seems to break Katniss from her trance as she sighs and relaxes her body. "I received some acceptance letters."

The doctor claps her hands together. "That's wonderful!"

A slight smile forms at Katniss's lips before she shakes her head. "Oh, I'm not going."

Dr. Strider's face falls, her concern clear. "Why not?"

Katniss shrugs, her expression resolute. "I can't leave my father. Everyone he's loved has left him and I can't do that to him."

The doctor nods before leaning forward, her hands joined. "Katniss you have to think about yourself, also."

"I am. I want to stay home." Katniss adverts her eyes to the side before looking back at Dr. Strider. "Besides, everyone is so concerned with what they want that they forget that maybe there are people that need them."

Dr. Strider waits a beat. "Are you referring to anyone in particular?"

Katniss grits her teeth, the tension in her jaw painful. "No." She trains her eyes on her shoes as Dr. Strider stands up and makes her way to the couch to sit beside her. "Tell me your truth."

She clasps her hands tightly and swallows hard. "My mother committed suicide when I was a little girl."

Dr. Strider tipped her head to the side. "And?"

Katniss glances over to her and releases the breath she wasn't aware of holding. "And I let it control my life."

Dr. Strider pats her on the knee lightly before standing up. "You can't be afraid to feel something or to let go." She watches as the woman smoothes her blouse down before placing her hands on her hips. "I'm going to give you an assignment."

This catches Katniss's attention and she looks up, horrified. "What?" She grips her fingers so tightly she can feel them numb slightly. "Why?"

She waves her off and shuts the notebook she had been writing in during the session. "Don't worry, it's nothing difficult." Katniss watches Dr. Strider walk to the door. "I want you to dance around silly at least once."

Katniss jumps up from the couch. "That sounds difficult to me. I don't understand why you would think dancing around would help me."

"Because you need some joy. I know how strange it sounds for me to assume that dancing around will make you happier, but it does. It's about letting go." Katniss's shoulders slump as she walks over to where the woman stands. "It can be in the privacy of your own room."

She keeps her eyes down as she nods. "Alright." Katniss glances up at the woman as she opens the door wide enough for her to walk through.

She doesn't have long to stress over her assignment or how vulnerable it will make her feel because when she reaches the waiting room he is leaning against the intake desk, his back to her.

Katniss is frozen in place as she watches him tease the secretary, who seems to be ignoring him. He shifts his weight and his form-fitting blue t-shirt rises up, revealing a portion of toned skin. The warmth and tension that had settled at her stomach when thinking of him in the session returns. When he turns around she begins to panic but when his eyes meet hers and he registers she knows her chance to run has left.

Katniss has to fight the urge to groan when a grin forms at Peeta's lips. "Fancy meeting you here."

She grits her teeth before returning his smile which is less than sincere. "Oh, I'm not here for me. I thought maybe I could help you, though, if I knew what was exactly wrong with you."

She rolls her eyes when he begins to laugh and is about to respond when he walks up to her leaving only a few inches between them. "Katniss, that was a weak cover, even for you," he whispers as he leans toward her ear.

Katniss leans back and pushes him back lightly, just enough to give her enough room to walk away. "You're such a jerk." She turns to Dr. Strider who gives her a nod goodbye and walks over to the intake desk to schedule her next appointment.

She can hear him chuckle. "It's a fine-tuned skill."

The secretary gives her a weak smile as she scrolls through the calendar on her computer screen. When Katniss turns back Peeta has already walked into the room with the therapist. She stares at the door as a part of her misses the surge of energy only his presence can bring.

* * *

Peeta shifts in his seat uncomfortably. Being in a therapist's office always bothers him. Something about talking about his feelings unnerves him. His mother would always force him to go when he did something especially embarrassing. He wanted to point out the fact to her that her husband's bouts with abuse may be at least part of the reason for his outbursts and behavior. However, his mother was willing to look past his stepfather's actions if it meant she was well taken care of.

He closes his eyes as he feels his anxiety rising. The last thing he needs is a room full of people see him cry. He works his hands through his hair as he opens his eyes and looks around. Most of the seats in the waiting room are still empty from when he first walked in, with only a few patients waiting. He took note of the blonde who was thumbing through a magazine when he first sat down. She is blissfully unaware of his presence as she hums to herself and he momentarily debates going over to her.

Peeta wasn't above shameless flirting and some innocent touching but as with most of the high strung girls he went after, this one would expect something other than a quick screw from him. He didn't have the time or patience for it right now and after a few weeks it had begun to lose its appeal. He still had needs but recently he had decided on just self-gratification and surprisingly he only thought of soft curves, olive skin and a dark braid. He's still watching the blonde but, his mind is suddenly filled with thoughts of Katniss, he has to shift in his seat again as he begins to feel a warmth travel up his body.

He cringes and scolds himself for acting like an inexperienced virgin. What is it about this one girl that gets under his skin so much? There wasn't anything particularly special about her and, if anything, she was the opposite of his type. She was mouthy, uncooperative, and from what he could tell a bit of a prude. Peeta attempts to push all thoughts of the brunette out of his mind as he stands up and strolls over to the intake desk. A middle aged woman sits in front of her computer as she typed.

Peeta plasters on a smile as he leaned forward on the desk. "Have you ever thought about running away with a younger man? We take orders and we can be quite cute. Granted it sounds like I'm describing a puppy but, unlike dogs, most of us are house broken." The woman doesn't even break her stride as she glances up at him and rolled her eyes, promptly going back to her task at hand.

Peeta sighs as he watches her work, again lost in his boredom. He lightly taps on the desk trying to keep his mind busy, worried if he allows himself to think that all his thoughts will be of Katniss. When the therapist's door opens he keeps his back to it until the receptionist looks up. He follows her eyes and when he turns around he has to stop the shock from showing on his face. He's not sure at first if he's gone completely insane and she's a hallucination. Perhaps all those nights of whacking off to the thought of her has permanently fried his brain, but when she scowls at him he knows for sure that it's not a figment of his imagination. She's usually much more agreeable in his mind.

Her eyes remain on him and he's reminded by how much her gaze unnerves him. He attempts to appear unshaken and smiles at her. He knows how false his grin is but it's always been his best defense. "Fancy meeting you here."

When she smiles at him he feels elated but it only takes him a moment to realize the curve of her lips is less than genuine. If anything her eyes hold a glimmer of contempt. "Oh I'm not here for me. I thought maybe I could help you, though, if I knew what was exactly wrong with you."

Peeta forces a laugh attempting to cover the pain he feels from her barb. He begins to walk toward her, determined to make her as uncomfortable as possible. When he leans forward he can feel her shiver and he can't stop from feeling satisfied. "Katniss, that was a weak cover, even for you."

When she pushes him back he has to resist from reaching out for her hand and bringing her against his body. He scolds himself mentally for going to that place again, especially with a girl who by all accounts detests him. He watches her turn to the therapist for a quick goodbye and walk over to the desk. "You're such a jerk."

A laugh escapes him and he's concerned it sounds more like a strangled cry than a chuckle. "It's a fine- tuned skill." When she doesn't respond but keeps her back to him, Peeta walks over to where the doctor waits.

His smile falls when he notices that the doctor is watching him closely. It never fails to freak him out how therapists seem to size everyone up. Peeta clears his throat as he approaches the woman and gestures toward where Katniss still stands at the desk. "I know her. She lives next door to me."

Dr. Strider nods and silently waves him forward as she walks into her office. Peeta turns back to glance at Katniss once more before following the doctor inside. The room is brighter than he would have expected, since most of the shrinks back home were pretentious and objected natural light. Peeta takes in the rest of the room: the walls are covered in diplomas and artwork that is clearly prints and not originals. When he reaches the couch, Peeta remains standing. He turns to Dr. Strider who has now taken her seat and holds onto a large legal pad, he assumes to write the notes of their session. He feels defensive underneath her gaze but he forces himself to calm.

She stays quiet, as Peeta throws his hands in the air to keep them from nervously fidgeting. "Look, I know that you're going to want me to spill my guts and talk about all the things that bother me, but you're in luck because there's nothing wrong with me." He waits for her to respond but to his annoyance she continues to watch him quietly. He already feels exasperated and sits down heavily. "I'm only here because my mother thinks I should be here."

Dr. Strider nods as she begins to write. Peeta sits up straight, craning his neck to catch a glimpse. When she looks back up, he sits back. "Why do you think that is, Peeta?"

"I don't know." He shrugs. "Maybe it's because of an impulse control issue. Like when you're a kid and want that new toy car or action figure but now it's girls." He scratches the side of his neck, faking concentration. "Oh and let's not forget the promiscuity. You know all the sex? It's a wonder I even have time to eat and sleep." Peeta grins widely, waiting for the doctor to dismiss him or give him her own opinion, like all the rest have done in the past. However, he's surprised when she smiles softly and looks back down to write.

Dr. Strider scribbles a few things down before looking back up. "Do you agree with everything you just said?"

"No." He laughs as he sits back, folding his arms over his chest. "I just thought it would be fun to mess with you."

She leans forward with a serious expression. "Peeta do you ever feel alone?"

This catches him off guard, causing Peeta to open his mouth to reply a few times before he speaks. "What?"

"You seem to use sarcasm as a defense mechanism." She places the legal pad on the arm of her chair along with the pen. "It is alright to trust someone. To let them close."

Peeta shook his head. "Why would I ever want to do that? I like the way things are now."

Dr. Strider continues to watch him closely as he alternates between leaning back and sitting up. "You don't sound very convinced."

He works his hands through his hair roughly before dropping them back to his lap. "What do you want me to say?"

"You seem agitated."

Peeta stands up abruptly, the irritation he feels threatening to choke him. "Do you want me to tell you that I'm tired of being who I am but I don't know how to be any different?"

Dr. Strider watches him pace the length of the couch. "That's why you're here."

He stops in his tracks and turns towards her. "No, I'm here because my mother can't stand the fact that I'm not the perfect son she so desperately needs."

"You didn't answer my question from before." The doctor leans back in her chair taking the legal pad back in her lap. "Do you feel alone?"

Peeta can feel a few tears fall down his cheeks and he roughly brushes them away. "Maybe I'm alone because it's just the way it's supposed to be."

She shakes her head. "I don't really believe you feel that way."

He scoffs before pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. "Why's that?"

"Because you wouldn't have been talking to me openly otherwise."

Her response catches him off guard and for the first time in a while he's not ready with a quick quip. Peeta stands there silently wondering if there could be a future for him where he didn't feel so lost. A future where he didn't have to be different versions of himself for other people. A life where he could just be content.

* * *

_A/N:Thank you for continuing to read this story. I should have the next update up soon and as always PLEASE REVIEW_.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you as always to all of you that follow, favorite, and continue to review for this story. It means so much to me that you enjoy something that I write, so thank you for being my readers._

_Thank you to my friend and Beta, sixela872 for everything she does for me and this story._

_I can be reached on tumblr under the username: stacylk_

_And at my writing blog: fightingdragonsanddrawingfairies_

_The song used during the chapter is: **Pumpin Blood-NONONO**_

_v: take a picture you could never recreate_

A nervous energy surges through Katniss's body as she paces the length of her bed. She hasn't been able to settle down since she left Dr. Strider's office - Peeta suddenly showing up there had created in her a restlessness she is still dealing with and just can't quell. She had already been unnerved by the doctor's assignment so to see him in the waiting room had only knocked her even more off center.

As her old pickup truck sputtered and grinded the entire drive home, she couldn't keep from thinking of how it felt to have him so close. His breath on her ear had sent down her body a tingling sensation that surprisingly still pooled beneath her waist.

Katniss groans audibly, attempting to force all thoughts of Peeta from her mind. She already had too much to process and she didn't need the added complication of his broad shoulders and toned muscles flooding her mind. She continues to wear out the carpet in front of her bed as she paces but thoughts of Peeta are now less of a priority as she thinks of the assignment she had been given.

Katniss tries to reason with herself that even if she lied to the therapist and told her that she had danced even if she hadn't there was no way that the woman would find out. It would be a victimless act, Katniss wouldn't have to feel foolish and Dr. Strider would feel that her advice had been taken. She was convinced that this was the best way to go, but as she stopped walking and faced the floor length mirror across from her she caught her reflection.

Katniss stilled as she took in her appearance, her hair was still pulled back in its normal braid, allowing a clear view of her face. The eyes that stared back at her were weary and almost hollow and the lines of her face look far too severe for a seventeen year old girl.

_When had she gotten so old? _

Katniss could feel tears threaten to blur her vision as she pressed the heel of her hands to her eyes.

_Why hadn't she ever noticed how lost she looked? _

Sighing, she dropped her hands and stared at herself once more before turning to the side. The curtains to his room are drawn which means that he is most likely not home. When Peeta is in his room he usually keeps the window and the curtains open.

She would sometimes glance over to see him lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling as music drifted over to her. The songs were more melancholy than she would have expected from him and at times she found herself enjoying the melodies.

There were also times she noticed when he didn't think she was looking that he would watch her. Katniss would catch his refection in her mirror and lower her head as she blushed. Those were the times she didn't feel as though he was trying to get a rise out of her and she was seeing glimpses of who he was beyond all the bravado.

Katniss peers out her window studying the curtains for any movement, but when it appears that the room is most likely empty she sighs with relief. Just because she had finally decided to do something so embarrassing didn't mean she wanted him to witness it.

Peeta may have shown her pieces of him that could be considered human but the fact remained that he enjoyed teasing her relentlessly and having him see her dance foolishly was more than she could handle. Finally convinced that he's not home, she walks over to the shelf where her iPod sits in the port. She scrolls through a list of songs and with a sigh she pushes play.

_Hey heart on the road again_

_Moving on... forward_

The tempo is upbeat immediately and Katniss bobs her head awkwardly to the music. Soon she begins to shuffle from side to side, as her arms remain by her side.

_See the stars, won't break the bones_

_They're in the car... on the highway_

She begins to tap her hands to the beat on her thighs. Katniss bites her lip as she begins to sway while walking around her room but the music is infectious and she's soon bouncing up and down. Her movements are still precise and controlled but it's still the most freedom she's felt in a long time.

_It's so magical feeling, that no one's got a hold _

_Your heart can list the all, happiness you know_

When she turns towards the full-length mirror, she catches her reflection. A few strands have come loose from her braid and lay against her flushed cheeks. The tempo has begun to speed up as she stares at herself, noticing the way her eyes are shining. It had seemed ridiculous when her therapist had suggested she dance to feel joy and she had still felt this way when she had begun. However, now as she watched the way her body swayed to the music and the beginning of a genuine smile on her face, Katniss was struck by how happy she looked. She was on the verge of tears when she began to laugh and she felt almost…giddy.

Katniss throws her hands up in the air. "What hell!"

_This is your heart, it's alive_

_It's pumping blood_

Katniss jumps up on her bed, causing all the papers and pillows to scatter and fall on the floor. She raises her arms and pumps her fists into the air as she bounces on the mattress. Her legs are already exhausted as she jumps but she doesn't seem to care as she sings along and laughs. Katniss jumps from the bed and hits the floor with a heavy thud. She's doesn't skip a beat as she continues to jump around gleefully.

_It's your heart, it's alive_

_It's pumping blood_

_And the whole wide world is whistling_

As she turns in mid-jump she catches her reflection again. Her hair was now all but free, surrounding her flush cheeks and her eyes are wide and bright. She feels everything just fade away, all the doubts and grief she felt on a daily basis were now replaced by joy and a strange freedom. Perhaps this was who she was really meant to be before pain had become her constant in life. She was beautiful and spirited and she could now accomplish all things because all along all she ever needed was herself.

_Hey heart on the run again_

_Drive is strong... anywhere_

She laughs out loud before blowing her reflection a kiss. A wide grin covers her face as she waves her arms above her to the swaying of her hips.

_Stick and stones won't take his course_

_Sky's the ball and it fits in_

She alternates jumping and swaying and she knows how silly she may seem, but any doubt she has is over shadowed by the joy she feels.

_It's the best of world's feeling, like nothing can go wrong_

_You're the saddle of the world you don't get to know_

Katniss continues to jump around and pump her fists in the air and it isn't until the fifth spin that she catches a glimpse of the window across the way. The window that belongs to Peeta now has its curtains opened wide.

All the joy she had previously experienced was now replaced by paralyzing embarrassment. When she finally found a semblance of balance, she faced where he was watching. When their gazes meet she feels a deep warmth flood her chest, a part of her knows it isn't from the exercise she just experienced. Everything slows down as he stands there silently. She studies the way his hair is slightly mussed and his face is relaxed as the muscles there settle in an expression of contentment.

Katniss wonders what has him acting so different but when his usual wry smile forms at his mouth and he waves she's pulled from the trance. Her eyes widen and she's once again mortified as she turns to run over to the shelf to stop the music. She's so preoccupied with having him watch her that she doesn't notice the pile of discarded laundry on her floor and slips. Her arms flail out to her sides as her body impacts with the carpet. Katniss groans out loud as she rolls onto her back. The music continues to loop as she lays there and can only imagine how long it'll take Peeta to tease her about this.

* * *

He's still lost in his thoughts when he enters his room. After he had left the therapist he had taken the long way home, walking the streets that weren't directly connected to the main drag. Peeta couldn't ignore the longing he felt in his gut when he thought of finally belonging to something or, more importantly, having someone who wanted him. It had always been easier to use sex as a way to achieve intimacy, it gave him the ability to be less invested while still gaining gratification. But having someone know him mentally and emotionally made him so much more vulnerable than being nude in front of someone ever could.

He'd only had one person in his life that didn't treat him as damaged, and even then there had been times when Maggie would look at him with pity. Peeta had fooled himself into thinking that he wasn't affected by anyone's opinion of him and that he could live his life by taking from others what he needed before they had a chance to hurt him.

Distancing himself emotionally had been a plausible plan for years - that is until he had crawled into the bed with a certain brunette and she punched him directly after. Katniss had become a constant in his life and occupied his thoughts more and more each day. She is there at the forefront of his mind at every waking moment and there are times that she enters his dreams as well. Most are chaste where she simply kisses him, but there are the occasions where he wakes up panting for breath.

When he had finally gotten home his mind wasn't reeling any less than it had when he started walking. The session may have made him more confused than he was before or perhaps he was just blissfully ignorant of it all but now that it had been brought to his attention he couldn't help but notice his loneliness.

He sighs as he kicks off his shoes and walks over to the window to open his curtains. He's grown accustomed to having a clear view of her bedroom. Most of the time he lies on his bed and plays music he'd think Katniss would like and he was aware of how pathetic he sounded but it was nice to just be able to be content with someone, even if she was a house away.

When he pushes the curtains open his hands freeze, gripping the fabric tightly as he takes in what he's seeing. He watches as she twirls around and her dark hair free from her normal braid flies around the space around her.

She dances around with such abandonment and the control he's used to seeing from her is nonexistent. There are times when she nearly slips and falls over her own feet but she throws her head back in laughter and continues to pump her fists in the air. Peeta watches her in awe as a genuine smile forms at his lips. As she begins to sway in time with her arms he's struck by the realization that he's seeing her for the first time. All of her usual defenses are gone as she dances and Peeta is fascinated by how she seems to shine from the inside out.

He'd known she was attractive but now he sees how incredibly beautiful she is. His smile falls when he thinks of all the time he'd wasted trying to antagonize her instead of actually talking to her like a normal person. He reasoned with himself that he wasn't normal and, to be honest, neither was Katniss which was why he seemed to be drawn to her. He's still studying the curves of her body when she suddenly stops and stares at him.

He doesn't know if he should be ashamed of watching her or grateful he had witnessed something, he assumed, few had. It's only a few seconds after having her lock eyes with him that he becomes anxious underneath her gaze, and a wry smile covers his lips and he waves. Katniss' eyes go wide and she turns around sharply but directly after she falls to the floor and out of his sight.

Peeta laughs out loud. Not cruel or mocking but from a real feel of glee. He finds himself charmed by her clumsiness and awkwardness. Peeta presses his hands to the glass waiting for her to sit back up and the longer she stays on the ground the more anxious he becomes. He's concerned for her yes, but it suddenly becomes something deeper than concern.

A feeling he hadn't felt before that formed a hollow sensation in his stomach and caused his chest to tighten. Peeta dared to call it longing. He pushed back from the glass and snorted at the thought. It was true that she fascinated him but it wasn't anything deeper than curiosity.

But then the memory of being near her at the office came to mind and he closed his eyes remembering how close his lips had been to ear. And in a passing moment the thought of framing her face and kissing her began to haunt him. He wanted to know what it would feel like to have her hold onto his wrists as his lips met hers, and how she would snake her arms up past his shoulders to bury her hands in his hair. But then he wondered what it would be like to have her love him and tell him her silly stories that no one else knew.

Peeta creases his forehead as he walks backwards to sit on the edge of his bed. When did Katniss loving him become a part of the fantasy?

He leans forward and places his head in his hands when it finally dawns on him. He had done the one thing he promised himself he would never do. He had formed feelings for someone and he feared that those feeling would only grow.

Peeta Mellark was falling for the strange girl next door.

* * *

_A/N:Thank you for reading! Please Review!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Thank you to everyone that continues to have interest in this story. I know how fortunate I am to have all of you as my readers._

_Thank you to my Beta, sixela872 for helping out on this chapter._

_I can be reached on tumblr under the username: stacylk_

_And at my writing blog: fightingdragonsanddrawingfairies_

_vi: the thoughts that you had that it was the one_

He leans in close, studying the lines that he's already etched onto the paper. His hands are already covered in ink and lead from having smudged the lines to his liking. He shifts in the patio chair, tucking his legs underneath him. A cool breeze travels up the steps to where he's sitting on the porch and he sighs in relief, relishing the momentary reprieve from the heat before going back to sketching.

Peeta twirls the writing tools between his fingers before he holds onto the pencil and places the pen behind his ear. He narrows his eyes, studying the drawing in front of him and looking for the perfect spot to continue. It finally becomes clear as Peeta puts the pencil between his teeth and uses the pad of his thumb to blend the line into the paper. There's a sense of pride he hasn't felt in a long time as he takes the pencil from his mouth and extends the lines of the picture.

He pauses for a moment when the almond shape of the eyes form and he's not at all surprised when the sketch begins to look more like her by the second. That the image looks like her isn't an isolated occurrence. Since he started sketching again regularly, most of his completed works have been renderings of Katniss. He creates the shadows around her cheekbones, blending the lead just right until he's satisfied with the outcome. When he finishes a wide grin forms at his lips.

It had been years since he had successfully finished a sketch , but after he had seen her dance and his feelings for her had surprisingly shifted, Peeta felt the need to draw her. He hadn't gotten any sleep that night and by morning he was sitting in the middle of his bedroom floor surrounded by partial and completed drawings of her.

The moments when he would watch her in her room were now proving to be effective as he closed his eyes and remembered the soft slope of her nose or how her shoulders would drop slightly when she was deep in thought. Every inch of her is etched into his memory and he transferred every image onto paper.

She had started out being the unstable girl next door who he had a fleeting attraction to and now had become his muse. He thumbs through the spiral notebook holding his art, looking through different depictions of her with the occasional scenery rendering. The boards of the porch creak and Peeta quickly flips to the picture he had drawn of the skyline in front of the house. He brings his legs from underneath him and sits up straight as he looks over to his side to where his aunt comes walking towards him.

Peeta relaxes as Maggie approaches him, holding two glasses of iced tea. She glances to the notebook in his hands as she walks to the chair beside him. She holds out one of the glasses to him and Peeta places the pad of paper and the writing utensils in his lap to take the drink. Maggie smiles as she takes her own seat and a sip from her glass. They sit in a comfortable silence listening to the sounds of birds and insects of the early summer as the sun goes down.

"It's good to see you working on your art again," Maggie says as she motions with her glass to the notebook in his lap.

Peeta bends down to place his glass on the porch beside his chair. "I've been drawing since I got here." When he sits back up he sees that the page has folded back to reveal part of a sketch of Katniss. He flattens the paper to cover the picture of her but when he looks up at Maggie he knows she saw the sketch.

Maggie smiles against the rim of her glass. "Yes, but you seem to lose interest after a couple minutes." She takes a drink and places her glass on the porch as well. "You've been at it all day."

He pulls the pad of paper to his chest as he turns his head to watch the sun set. "Yeah. I guess I have," he says as the realization of his statement sets in.

"So. What do you have planned for tonight?" Maggie looks at him for a second before bringing her attention to the sunset. "I've noticed you've been spending more time at the house than you did when you first arrived. And I'm no longer finding half-dressed girls sneaking out of the house early in the morning."

Peeta shrugs as he continues to hold onto the notebook. "I got bored with them."

She grins over the lip of her glass as she takes a drink. "I suppose that's not difficult when your interest in someone is limited."

Peeta keeps his eyes forward, towards the sky as the rich colors of sunset begin to fade. A soft shade of orange breaks through the purple and blue hues and he's suddenly struck by how beautiful it all is. "Maybe I don't want to be that guy anymore." His voice was soft with a twinge of sadness that Mags nearly missed him speaking at all.

Maggie turns to watch him closely. He still keeps hold of the notebook, gripping it so tightly that a few of his knuckles have become white. His expression is blank but Maggie can almost hear his mind race as the thoughts form. Peeta shifts in his seat and for a moment he looks like the sensitive, introverted little boy who was generous with his hugs and smiles. When he had first arrived at her house, Maggie was shocked at the drastic change in his character. He was still easy with his smiles but there was a sadness behind them. He was always willing to talk with her but the conversations never went deeper than the contempt he had for his mother and stepfather. When she had walked into the living room one morning and found Peeta curled up on the couch with his sketchpad held close she had been pleasantly surprised. The change in his demeanor had initially concerned her but as Peeta stayed in at night to draw as opposed to sleeping around she found herself relaxing.

Maggie kept her eyes on him as she spoke. "You know you and Katniss would spend hours playing on this porch when you were little." At the mention of Katniss's name Peeta tears his attention from the sky to look to his aunt. She smiles at him knowingly; she didn't have to see the notebook filled with drawings of the dark haired girl to be aware of his feelings for her.

Peeta looks at his aunt as she laughs lightly to herself before watching the sun disappear. The porch lights click on, bathing them in a soft glow and with the light comes a memory he had forgotten. Like most of the memories he had of Katniss, they would come to him periodically through the day and the only way to quiet his mind was to draw her. However, Peeta always felt so exposed when he sketched Katniss, so to have his aunt close made him self-conscious. He would have to capture the memory later in his room alone, but until then all he could do was remember as he looked over to the far side of the winding porch.

_His legs were already aching even before he had tripped over the last step as he chased her up the porch. "You're running too fast!"_

_Katniss's braid whipped around her shoulders as she crouched behind one of the patio chairs. "I'm supposed to! It's called tag!"_

_Peeta bent down placing his hands on his knees as he narrowed his eyes at her. "I feel like I'm always chasing after you!"_

_She giggled as she shrugged. "Learn to run faster!"_

_He blew his blond curls away from his eyes as he stood up. "I'm going to catch you one of these days, Katniss!" Peeta pivoted as he attempted to trick her and ran around the side of the chair as she shrieked._

_Katniss struggled to breathe between her giggles as she ran down the wide porch. "You can always try, Peeta Mellark!"_

_Peeta pushed his legs to go as fast as they could as he ran after her. She would turn back to smile at him and even at eight he knew he was looking at the most beautiful girl he had ever seen._

"Hey!"

Peeta is brought out of his thoughts as his eyes focus on a perturbed Katniss marching up the walkway. He sits up straight as she reaches the steps, his hands still holding onto the sketchpad.

Maggie clears her throat as she stands up. "I think I'll go inside."

He narrows his eyes at her but a smile plays at his lips. "Traitor." Maggie tips her glass at him as Katniss makes her way up the rest of the steps and is now a few feet from him.

"Katniss," Maggie says as she passes by the young women.

Katniss's face softens as she nods at his aunt. "Maggie." She waits for her to walk into the house before turning on him, her silver eyes burning.

Peeta brings the notebook from his chest to tuck it behind his back. Katniss eyes it for a second and he can feel his anxiety rise, but she soon shrugs off any concern he had about it and continues to glare at him.

He sits back and crosses his arms over his chest. "What's going on?"

She placed her hands on her hips. "I'll tell you what's going on. You are a jerk!"

Peeta smirked. "Really?" He was always fond of getting a rise out of her but now it wasn't from a need to make her uncomfortable but from a want to see the many different sides of her.

Katniss lets out an exasperated sigh. "Yes! Where do you come off assuming you know me?"

He furrows his brow as he leans forward. "I'm a little lost here. You're going to have to help me out."

"You called me a prude."

Peeta pointed a finger at her. "No. I wrote that you were a prude and only after you called me a whore."

Katniss throws her hands up. "Well you _are_ a whore."

Peeta laughs as he mimics her actions and throws his hands up as well. "And you _are_ a prude."

She crosses her arms over her chest as a deep blush forms at her cheeks. "I'm not this frigid girl you seem to take me for, or some clueless virgin. I've had sex before, you know." Peeta stands up slowly as she looks around nervously. "At science camp."

He reached behind him to secure the sketchbook but stopped midway after hearing her confession. When he retracted his arm he turned to her fully, a wry smile playing at his lips. "You got nailed at nerd camp?" Peeta watches her fidget with the hem of her shirt as she bites her lip nervously. He's so caught up in how adorable she looks that he nearly misses the obvious. "Wait! You lost your cherry at nerd camp?"

Katniss covers her face with her hands as she screams in frustration. "You are so infuriating!"

When she drops her hands, she's met with a wide grin from Peeta. "That is seriously the best thing I have ever heard."

Katniss throws her hands up and turns on her heel to walk down the steps. "Ugh. I'm going home."

Peeta can feel himself panic as she leaves. He's racking his brain to come up with something to cause her to stop, but he knows if he's too insulting or condescending it'll only drive her away more. So he yells out the safest thing he can come up with quickly. "Do you like movies!"

Katniss stops abruptly when she gets to the last step and turns to him, the confusion lined on her forehead. "What?"

Peeta walks the few feet that separate them. "You know? Movies? It's what stupid people do as opposed to reading."

She laughs as she looks up at him. He's leaning against the porch posts watching her with a smile on his face. Katniss clears her throat and looks to the side before bringing her attention back to him. "Yes. But I can only watch one if I have-"

Peeta pushes off from the porch and takes the last few steps in two steps until he's standing in front of her. "Popcorn and M&amp;M's. I remember."

Katniss swallows nervously as he looms over her. He's already half a foot taller than her on even ground and when she looks up she can make out the green flecks in his blue eyes. "How?"

Peeta tilts his head to the side and she has to resist the urge to brush his bangs away from his forehead. "Are you kidding me? You would throw the biggest fit if you didn't have them poured into the popcorn." He waits for her to comment but when all she does is open her mouth to speak but closes it soon after, Peeta continues. "So how about watching a movie with me?"

She can already feel her chest constrict and she isn't sure if the anxiety is from the social issues she struggles with or the fact that she can feel the warmth from his body even with a few inches separating them. "I don't know."

Peeta steps down to stand beside her and as he does Katniss's hand brushes against his chest. She allows her hand to linger against the buttons of his shirt before pulling her hand back. "I swear I won't try anything." He gives off a shaky laugh and Katniss is surprised that he sounds nervous. When she makes eye contact with him, Peeta is looking at her genuinely. "I just want to spend time with you."

She nods before she realizes it. "Alright. I'll allow it."

Peeta leans forward and Katniss can feel her breathe catch in her throat as he brings his mouth to her ear. She can feel the anticipation rush through her veins, curious as to what he's about to say. When his voice comes out low she can feel her knees begin to buckle. "And if you felt like telling me all about your sexscapades with your geek lover, I wouldn't be against it." Her eyes, which had begun to shut from his proximity, opened up wide at his words as he pulled back and began to laugh.

Katniss laughed as she pushed him back. "Ugh! You're such a letch."

Peeta threw his head back still laughing uncontrollably as he ran up the steps and onto the porch. He walked over to the chair he had been sitting in and picked up the notebook. He stopped midway to the door and waved her on. Katniss began to fidget with the hem of her shirt as she walked up the steps and followed him inside. She knew better than to expect that Peeta meant for his invite to be anything more than a friendly gesture but when he stood close and she could nearly count the flecks of color in his deep eyes she found herself hoping.

* * *

_A/N:Thank you for reading and please be sure to review. There are only a few chapters left and I'm nearly finished with writing the entire story. So I'm hoping to have it completed soon._


	7. Chapter 7

_Thank you to everyone who has kept interest in the story as well as those who have favorited, followed, and reviewed._

_Love my Beta, sixela872. She's seriously the best!_

_I can be reached on tumblr under the username: stacylk_

_And at my writing blog: fightingdragonsanddrawingfairies_

_vii: for the lump that sits inside your throat_

Sitting cross-legged on the living room floor, he rifles through the stack of movies when he finally lands on a boring environmental documentary that Katniss had been raving about the last time he had made her sit through Indiana Jones. After they had finished quoting the movie together she had begun rattling on about penguins and melting ice. Really he had only been pretending to listen as he watched her lips move.

They had been sharing a bed for nearly three weeks, but the only touching they had done had been a few times they had held hands and the moments when he woke up to find she had turned over in her sleep and laid her head on his chest. Peeta had been afraid to breathe, worried that he'd wake her up if he moved, so he would watch her sleeping until he fully lost feeling in his arm. In these moments watching her sleep he was amazed by how beautiful she looked with her dark hair fanned around her, the strands wavy and silky.

Peeta knew the moment he realized the true depth of his feelings for Katniss. It was early in the morning when he woke up to find her curled up against his side, her cheek pressed up against his chest above his heartbeat. When he shifted and she lifted her head to reposition on his chest he could feel the small pool of drool before he saw it and to his amazement he wasn't disgusted. God help him he thought it was adorable and soon he realized that his feelings had gone beyond a fondness for her. After that he was nervous to have her close because he was constantly terrified he would do something stupid like tell her how he felt.

Peeta Mellark had fallen in love with his disagreeable, brave, unintentionally sexy neighbor and it scared the hell out of him.

The night he realized he was in love with Katniss was one of those nights when she turned toward him in bed and slightly nudged him to make sure he was still awake. Peeta grunted playfully as he opened one eye. The light from the street lamp lit the side of her face as he turned on his side to look at her.

He laid his head on his arm as he settled in. "I was trying to sleep."

Katniss narrows her eyes at him as she thinks before smiling. "No you weren't."

Peeta bites his bottom lip to stop himself from grinning. "And how do you know that?"

She scooted her body closer to him. "Because right before you fall asleep you sigh really deeply. It's one of the few times you ever really seem content."

Peeta swallowed thickly as her chest stopped a few inches from his. He curled his fingers into his palms, pressing into the skin there and fighting the urge to reach out to her. "So why are you trying to wake me up?"

Katniss tucked her hands underneath her cheek. "I was just thinking how funny it is, you and I lying in the same bed."

Peeta laughed as he used his free hand to pull the comforter up to his shoulder. "And, really, the amazing thing is that I'm in bed with a pretty girl and we both still have our clothes on."

Katniss watched him reach out to pull the blanket up her body. When he placed his hand back at his waist she couldn't help her disappointment. "You really were a man whore."

His face became solemn. "Sometimes sex is easier than having to let someone close."

"What do you mean?"

Peeta breathed out slowly as he collected his thoughts. "For me, lying here with you and talking honestly is more frightening than being naked ."

She nodded, causing a few strands of hair to fall in her eyes. "I can understand that. I get petrified when people try to engage me in small talk."

Peeta reached out with two fingers and brushes the hair behind her ears. "You seemed fine when you punched me my first night here or when you were continuously insulting me." He was surprised when he didn't pull back and even more curious when she didn't question the way his hand lingered at her cheek.

Katniss leaned into his touch. "Well you're the exception, not the rule." When his expression became pensive she began to worry. "What?"

He shook his head and the smirk from before was on his lips. "Nothing. It's just I've never been anyone's exception."

"Well, you're mine." Katniss turned into his hand to kiss his palm before looking to him again. She could feel the blush form at her cheeks and, seeing Peeta watching her closely, was thankful he didn't question her action. "So why is it easier for you to keep everything sexual."

"My stepdad." When he sees the shock play out on her face he quickly interjects. "He's never done anything like that to me, but he hits me sometimes, and my mom she sort of just treats me like a problem she sends away when I become too inconvenient. It's easier keeping it all physical. You're less likely to disappoint someone."

Katniss closes her eyes as his fingers begin to lightly stroke her cheek. "My dad ignores me." When she opens her eyes, he's watching her intently. "I've thought about leaving sometimes just to see how long it would take him to notice. I know he needs me but I wonder if it's actually _me_ he needs versus not wanting to be alone. So really his needing me has nothing to do with me at all."

"Sometimes I just feel invisible."

"You're not to me." Katniss can feel the tears well up in her eyes as he studies her face. "I would notice if you were gone." When his attention lands on her lips she can feel every part of her scream out for him to lean forward and kiss her. "Who would call me on all my crap?"

Peeta withdraws his hand from her cheek as he lets out a strangled laugh. "Our parents really screw us up? Don't they?"

She nods but her mind is on the movement of his taut muscular arms as he brings his hand to rest with his other underneath his head. "Yeah they do."

When she reached out squeezing tightly, Peeta had to fight the urge to pull her into his side. He wanted to hold onto her and reassure her that she would always be seen by him. But instead he moved one of his hands from underneath his head and placed it on top of hers. His fingers wrapped around hers and held onto her slender fingers until she fell asleep.

When he was sure she couldn't hear him, Peeta told her he loved her.

A knock on the front door breaks him out of his reverie. Peeta pushes himself off of the carpet as he tosses the movies he was holding onto the ever growing pile of choices. He temporarily wonders why Katniss wouldn't have just walked in like she normally does, but he reasons it can be something else he teases her about, so he's not worried about having to walk the few feet to the front door.

When he pulls the door open he's disappointed when Katniss isn't on the other side. Leaning against the door frame attempting to act coy is a busty blond he faintly remembers sleeping with shortly after he arrived in town. Peeta groans as he rubs his hand over his face, not concerned with openly showing his frustration of her intrusion.

She bats her eyes at him and he has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop from laughing at her ridiculous attempt to seem innocent. "Hi."

Peeta rolls his eyes at her. "What are doing here?" When she opens her mouth to speak he holds up his hands. "You know what? I don't care. How did you find out where I live?"

She reaches up to twist the strands of her hair around her finger with its manicured nail. "I asked around."

He gives her a nod and a tight smile. "Nice. So you stalked me?"

This clearly surprises her and she stands up straight. "I just wanted to see you again."

Peeta sighs. "You seem…dedicated. But believe me you don't want to be with me again. I'm a huge ass and the only person I actually treat well is a girl who will probably never like me back." The blond stares at him blankly and Peeta remembers why he liked it when girls had below average intelligence. That is until he met Katniss.

Finally it seems to register on the girl's face and she huffs and she turns on her heel to walk down the steps of the porch. Peeta exhales loudly as he shuts the door and walks back into the living room, returning to the pile of movie cases.

* * *

The back door closes behind her with a thud as she runs down the steps of the porch. When she trips over the last step she can't stop the girlish giggle that escapes her lips. It tickles her throat and she has to wonder how long it's been since she's felt this lighthearted. Katniss steadies herself before she attempts to calmly walk the length of her yard and to his back door. She only makes it a few steps before she begins to jog the rest of the way.

She's been trying to keep her excitement under control for most of the day, but spending time with Peeta exhilarates her. She nearly snorts at the thought since only a short time ago she couldn't stand to be in the same room with him, but now if she went only a few hours without seeing him she couldn't wait to be near him again. He had become the anchor she had needed for so long and in a strange turn of events Peeta had become her confidant.

As she nears his backdoor her mind drifts off to conversations they would have long into the night. Sometimes it was so dark she couldn't make out his face but his voice was always steady and strong and at times she would fall asleep listening to him talk.

There were even times that she wished she had the courage to reach out to him and use his fingers to trace the lines of her face and, if she felt bold, the curves of her body. She would close her eyes as he talked and imagine his strong hands on her chest, caressing her breasts gently before inching them down her stomach to finally stop below her waist. She would shiver from the thought and Peeta would mistake her as cold and pull the blanket up around her shoulders. His hand would linger at the skin there, brushing it lightly before dropping his hand to his body. Katniss wanted to pull him close and capture his lips but she feared the inevitable rejection and she knew she couldn't risk losing Peeta as a friend again. Not now that she had just gotten him back.

When she reaches the door she pulls it open, knowing that neither he nor Maggie ever locks it. The house is quiet as she makes her way to the living room. As she nears the front of the house she hears Peeta's voice. A wide grin takes over Katniss's face but soon falls as a female voice floods the room. Katniss leans up against the wall, not wanting to be seen as she listens.

From what she can hear, the girl is someone that Peeta had fooled around with and she is back for another date. Katniss tried to push down the disappointment that threatens to overtake her; she is positive that Peeta would weasel out of their movie night to spend time with the girl. But when he brushes the girl off she feels her smile return. Katniss doesn't catch the last part of the conversation as she sneaks back to the back door, opening and shutting it loudly. She takes a few deep breaths before walking back to the living room.

When she enters she sees Peeta sitting in the middle of the room, his head down as he closely examines each DVD box. The back of his shirt has risen up and, just like in the therapist's office, she can feel her pulse race at the sight of his exposed skin.

Peeta turns to her with a movie in each of his hands, a wide grin on his handsome face. "Hey! I think I've narrowed down the choices to these two piles." His brow furrows as she watches him, unresponsive. "What?"

Katniss shakes her head. "Nothing." She walks over to the couch and sits down as Peeta stands up from the floor. "You just _surprise_ me."

He looks at her warily before laughing through his smile. "Alright." Peeta walks over to the entertainment system to place the movie in the player, before making his way over to the couch to sit beside her. As the movie begins he bends over to the coffee table to pick up a tub of popcorn and tosses it in her lap. "I got your weirdo combination of chocolate and popcorn."

Katniss shrugs as she picks at the snack. "It's not that weird. Plenty of people like sweet and salty things together."

Peeta snorts beside her as he looks at her. "Huh. It kind of sounds like us."

Katniss is stunned by his statement but he doesn't seem to notice as he digs his hand into the tub of popcorn and chocolate. They sit there in silence as the movie plays, the only other sound their breathing and Katniss can feel her heart beat loudly in her ears. She swallows roughly before placing a piece of popcorn in her mouth.

"I saw the girl at the door." Peeta turns to her, stunned, as she continues to speak, her eyes firmly on the television. "You didn't have to spend your night with me again."

Peeta watches her closely before turning forward again and reaching for another handful of popcorn. "I want to."

Katniss shrugs as she leans forward to place the tub of snacks down on the table, before sitting back. "I know. It's just you are allowed a social life."

Peeta sighs as he turns towards her, his arm stretching over the back of the couch. His fingers tangle in the strands of her hair. "I have a social life. It's with you, movies and your ridiculous snack food." He tips his head to the side as he watches her reaction. "Besides, one screw in the bathroom of the Quiznos was enough alone time with her, believe me." Katniss gives him a silent nod and he returns it before looking towards the movie. "She kept pulling at my collar, it was irritating."

She continues to watch him as his attention remains on the television. Katniss's eyes roam the angles of his profile before she works her way down to his chest and further down as a deep flush forms at her chest and threatens to overtake her entire body. The images that flood her mind at night while they lay next to each other have invaded her mind once more, but the fear that always accompanies them is no longer present.

For once feeling bold, she hops up enough from the couch to close the distance between their bodies. When she lands nearly on top of him Peeta looks to her questioningly but he doesn't have enough time to speak before her mouth is pressed against his. Their lips remain still as Peeta works through his shock and Katniss is frozen from inexperience, but it isn't long until he responds by opening his mouth and licking her top lip. This seems to wake her up as she opens her mouth to his and Peeta pushes his tongue against hers. His hands find her hair as his fingers tangle in her dark strands and Katniss twists her fingers in the collar of his shirt as she pulls his closer into her. They remain kissing until the need for air can no longer be pushed aside and they pull apart only inches, their lips still touching.

Katniss looks up into his dark blue eyes. "Sorry." When his eyes narrow she clarifies. "I pulled at your collar."

Peeta smiles slightly before kissing her lightly on the lips. When he pulls back he watches as she bites her lower lip. "I didn't notice."

Katniss leans forward to kiss him again and when he begins to press his body into hers, she doesn't protest. She's greedy for all the sensations that Peeta elicits from her and she's willing to lose herself in him.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you for reading! There's only a couple of chapters left and I will try to update as soon as I can. Please Review._


	8. Chapter 8

_Thank you for all of the support you've all given me with your follows, favorites, and reviews._

_Thank you to my Beta, sixela872. She's always so patient with me when she shouldn't be and I love her for it._

_I can be reached on tumblr under the username: stacylk_

_And at my writing blog: fightingdragonsanddrawingfairies_

_viii: and oh what is left?_

He releases a deep breath before burying his face in her neck, the apple scent of her shampoo surrounds him as his lips meet the skin below her chin. Katniss uncharacteristically giggles, something he's noticed she tends to do when he touches a spot that is ticklish. Peeta makes note of these certain areas since they also turn out to be sensitive in other ways. He's come to the conclusion since their first kiss a few days ago, that there aren't many parts of her body that he doesn't take notice of.

His tongue darts out to glide over her pulse point and he can feel her grip on his shoulders tighten, almost painfully. Her short nails bare into his skin as he tastes her skin in between quick kisses, but as his lips linger there Katniss lifts up to press her hips to his body. He has to hold back a groan as he pulls back. When he shifts his weight he can feel her squirm underneath him as she brings her hands down to his bare chest. A trail of warmth is left in their wake and he can feel every other part of his body scream for attention.

The heat from her hands is enough to make him dizzy and when her right leg comes up to rub against his growing erection, Peeta lets out a low moan. He sees her smile, amused at the reaction she was clearly wanting. Peeta lowers his face to hers and places his lips to hers gently. They stay this way for what seems like forever, until Katniss lightly nips at his bottom lip. Peeta's jaw clenches shortly as he holds back a deep moan but it isn't long until he opens his mouth to her and they're once again in a heated tangle of lips, teeth, and tongues. Peeta moves his hands from each side of her head to trail his fingers over the curves of her breasts. His lips tickle from her humming her approval in between kisses.

The pads of his thumbs move over the tops of her nipples which causes her to press up against him once again. Peeta can feel himself becoming lost in all the sensations that she's eliciting from him. All he can feel is her lips and hands and all he can hear are the short intakes of breaths she takes in between quiet moans of approval. He can feel his body tighten and if he doesn't try to think of something other than the way she feels underneath him, Peeta knows that releasing himself in his jeans is a real possibility. He forces his mind to go back to this morning when he talked to his aunt and everything had come into perspective.

_Peeta entered the kitchen as he pulled on a clean t-shirt. His hands worked through his messy blond curls and he couldn't help but remember the way Katniss tugged on them as he kissed his way down her thighs, only hours ago. After the television timer had stopped the movie, they had walked to his room hand in hand, where he explored her body. He could feel his own react as he walked over to the refrigerator. Peeta yelped loudly when he turned around and saw his aunt sitting quietly at the table._

_She smiled at his outburst, a coffee mug cradled between her hands. "I wasn't sure if I'd see you out of bed before noon."_

_Peeta rubbed the back of his neck as he opened up the fridge door. "Yeah." He looked at his options before reaching for a carton of juice and closing the door. He twisted off the cap, tossed it on the counter, and took a long swig. Peeta swallowed the mouthful of liquid, and used the back of his arm to wipe any of the juice free from his upper lip. Mags continued to watch him so he clarified. "I was up late with Katniss."_

_Maggie shook her head as she sat her mug down. "Peeta?"_

_Peeta rolled his eyes as he secured the cap on the juice bottle. "It isn't like that and yes we've kissed, but it's more than that." He swallowed and turned his back to her, not wanting his face to betray him. They had gone beyond kissing but their underwear was always on, even if there were times he wanted to tear the thin fabric of her panties free. Peeta shook his head trying to clear his mind of any images of Katniss topless with her legs wrapped around his waist. When he felt like he had a handle on his expression he turned back to her._

_She was still sitting at the table, but her arms were crossed over her chest and she watched him with narrowed eyes. "How much more?"_

_Peeta sighed loudly as he walked over to the table and took a seat. "We haven't had sex. I'm talking about something else." He could feel his chest tighten as the anxiety coursed through him, leaving him a little lightheaded. He reached for the edge of the table and willed himself to speak. Peeta closed his eyes briefly before looking at his aunt. "When do you know you're in love?"_

_Maggie's eyes visibly widened as she uncrossed her arms to only cross them again shortly after. "I think I need to sit down."_

_Peeta rolled his eyes. "Haha. You are sitting."_

_She nodded as she sat up in her seat and fidgeted a bit before settling down again. "I'm just a little floored that you're asking me about love."_

_He laughed briefly, more of a nervous habit than anything, before lowering his eyes. "Yeah, me too."_

_Maggie tilted her head to the side as she studied him scraping at the worn wood of the table. "What exactly are you hoping to hear?"_

_Peeta shrugged as he kept his eyes on the table. "I just want to know if what I'm feeling is more than just something I've made up in my head."_

"_Well, what are you feeling?"_

_Peeta's brows knotted together as mulled over her question. "Mostly nauseous."_

_Maggie chuckled and leaned forward. "I meant when you're with her."_

_He nodded. "I know." Peeta drew his hands away from the table and brought them together, clenching each finger tightly. "I feel like I'm in a constant panic that she'll be taken away somehow. And that if she is taken away I don't know who I am going to be without her. I didn't like who I was and I'm starting to learn, and like, things about myself that only started after she and I began to spend time together." He looked up and Maggie was shocked by how earnest he looked. "Katniss allows me to be comfortable with myself in a way that one else ever has."_

_His aunt smiled. "Sounds like love to me." When he leaned back in his seat, clearly surprised, Maggie continued. "Everyone thinks it has to be this huge emotion, and yes it is that but it's also the subtle things that we look past every day. Real love is from the fleeting moments that we never realize are happening until much later when we can see the effect it has had on our character."_

_Peeta sighed as he dropped his hands in his lap and his shoulders lowered. "I'm in love with Katniss Everdeen, aren't I?"_

_Maggie nodded as she watched a wide grin form at his lips. "I think so."_

Peeta is drawn back to the present when he feels Katniss' hands at the button of his jeans. Her fingers are nimble and soon his zipper is being dragged down. Peeta pulls away from her mouth as he catches her hands and traps them both in one of his palms as he holds himself up over her body with his other arm. He looks down to where her hand is trapped at his groin and he gulps, audibly, before looking back at her. "I want to take it slow," his voice coming out more hoarse than he would have liked. Peeta watches her grey eyes narrow. "Yes, I see the irony. The whore wanting to not rush into sex. It's all very amusing."

Katniss looks into his eyes intensely. "I like kissing you." She lifts up enough to kiss his jawline before placing hot, wet kisses to his ear. "I like all the _other_ stuff too."

Peeta shudders from the sensation. "I love kissing you, and the _other_ stuff is incredible too, but I don't want it to be with you the way it was with those other girls." He pushes up from her, releasing her hand as he sits up. He settles on his heels as he zips his pants back up and redoes the button.

Katniss sits up enough to hold her weight up with her elbows. Her hair is all but loose from her braid as it frames her face, in a beautiful mess. "Alright."

Peeta holds her gaze for the longest time before he speaks. "There was something I wanted to ask you." She sits up fully as she nods for him to go on. "Why don't you sleep at your own house?"

This seems to catch her off guard but she soon covers it up with a smile. Anyone else would have assumed that she hadn't been affected by his question, but Peeta had learned to live behind masks and fake sincerity which meant he wasn't fooled. "Sick of me already?"

Peeta watches as she breaks eyes contact with him and begins to scoot to the edge of the bed. "No." She's already turned her back to him as she picks up her sneakers and begins to put them back on. "I want to talk about this."

Katniss continues to tie her shoes when he sits down beside her. "Well I don't."

Peeta tries to reach out for her but she pulls away as she stands up. "Katniss."

She turns toward him, her arms crossed over her chest. "I have a therapist for this, Peeta."

He nods. "Yes, I know. I go to her too, remember?"

Katniss tilts her head to the side with a narrowed glare. "Then do you really think you're the best person for me to talk about this with?"

"Yes, I do." Peeta stands up from his bed to stand in front of her. "And don't think I missed you giving me shit just now for seeing the same shrink."

Katniss breathes out slowly as her jaw clenches and Peeta can see the tension in her body build. "Do you think this is easy for me?"

Peeta shakes his head as he attempts to place a hand at her arm but she's quick to step back out of his reach. "I never said it was."

Her hands are now formed into fists and he can see her defenses rising. "Why are you pressing this?"

He sighs as he takes a step in her direction slowly, not wanting to put her more on edge. "Katniss, I don't think asking once would really be seen as pressing."

Peeta tries not to feel hurt when she steps back again. The distance between them troubles him, and when she speaks her voice is so cold it causes his chest to tighten. "It is to me." She looks at him as though he's committed an act of betrayal. The silence between them is deafening as she stares at him with contempt.

He clears his throat to speak but Katniss begins to walk briskly to the door. Peeta is closer so when he slams his back into the door to block her, she jumps back suddenly. He holds up his hands as she looks up at him, glaring. "Hey, hey! I just want to talk to you."

Katniss shakes slightly from the tension but her voice is steady and so low that Peeta has to strain to hear it. "Have you ever thought that maybe we work because we don't talk about this type of stuff?"

He shakes his head and lowers his hands. "I'm not going to live my life that way anymore and neither should you. There's nothing you have to be ashamed of. You can tell me anything."

Her mouth forms into a hard line as she looks at him before speaking. "Why would you say ashamed?"

Peeta sighs. "You don't talk about it, ever."

She nods her head but there's more hostility in the movement than agreement. "You want to talk?"

"Yes," Peeta shouts as his patience begins to fade.

Katniss gives him another empty smile that causes his body to become cold. "Ok. Why are you so concerned with my issues when you're the one who took two seconds before you started screwing anything warm when you came into town?"

He shakes his head, and he can feel his eyes fill with tears. "That's not fair."

She points an accusatory finger at him. "But it's true."

Peeta nods as he clenches his jaw, willing the tears not to fall. "It was, but I haven't been with anyone else since you and I became close. Hell it was weeks even before that, so don't try to deflect by shoving my shit in my face."

Katniss attempts to side step him, but Peeta once again blocks her escape. "I can't do this right now."

He squares his shoulders as he spreads his arms across the doorframe. "No, you're not leaving! We need to talk about this."

Katniss places her head in her hands and lets out an aggravated scream. After a beat she lowers her hands to look at him, her silver eyes blazing. "Why?!"

Peeta grits his teeth before his voice comes out in a strangled cry, "Because I'm worried about you!"

She narrows her eyes. "I don't need your concern."

He leans in closer to her. "Tough shit because you have it!" His face falls as he settles back into the door, the wood scraping against his bare back. "You have all of me, Katniss. Can't you see that?" Peeta is surprised by how small he sounds.

Katniss closes her eyes before opening them again to reveal unshed tears. "I can't give myself over to someone, Peeta."

He swallows roughly as he feels the tears that had gathered in his eyes fall down his cheeks. "You think this is so easy for me? This is gut wrenching. It's possibly the most uncomfortable thing I've ever had to do, telling you how much you mean to me. But I'm here standing in front of you half naked asking you to look at me the way I look at you."

She looks over to the side before catching his gaze again. "And how's that?"

Peeta's cheeks are streaked by his tears and his chest aches. "Like I love you!" His voice catches in his throat as his words dawned on him. "I love you."

Katniss pushes her own tears from her face. "You want me to tell you I love you back?"

He shakes his head. "Only if it's true."

"Peeta, I'm not sure I can ever feel that way about anyone." Katniss sighs and walks over to the door to stand beside him.

Peeta gripped the doorframe tightly as he angled his body towards hers. "No! I want you to say it!" His bare chest heaved as she closed the distance between them to be close enough to place her lips to his. "I want to say why you don't sleep at your house."

Katniss pulled back, her eyes blurry by the onslaught of tears. "She killed herself! Ok? I was in the house when my mother took her own life and I was in there with her alone for hours. Is that what you want?!"

He shakes his head. "I want you to be honest with me! Because I think you love me back but you're too much of a coward to realize it. You're so hung up on your mother's death and the way she died that you won't allow yourself to feel anything."

Katniss reached out to push at his shoulder, causing him to lose his hold on the frame. "Get out of my way!"

Peeta sighs, placing both hands and his forehead on the door in defeat. "So, what, you're going to go back to being quiet and invisible?"

Gripping the doorknob tightly, Katniss turns to him, her face flushed. "Yes! I don't need you in my life." When she pulls the door open Peeta stumbles back. "Just leave me alone!" Helplessly, he watches her run out the door.

Peeta stood there momentarily before pulling the door open all the way. "Katniss! Katniss!" His shouts echo through the house, blending with the sound of her running down the stairs and slamming the front door .

He is frozen in place, the sound of his own breathing heavy in his ears. He turns around sharply to run back into his room, before slamming the door. His entire body aches as the severity of what just happened comes upon him. He had laid himself bare to her and she had rejected him. Peeta knows that the inevitable self-loathing and hatred will set in but for right now he is enraged and he wants to cause pain. Rushing over to the worn desk in his room he grips the edges and brings it down to the ground. Everything on it shatters and makes a loud impact as it all scatters around him. He watches it all finally settle before falling to the floor hopelessly. Peeta thought that by loving her he could love himself, but all he wants to do now is disappear.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you for reading. This story is actually complete and I hope to post the conclusion soon. Please Review._


	9. Chapter 9

_Thank you to everyone that has supported me through the process of writing this story. This is in fact the last chapter. I just wanted to clarify since I think I confused a lot of you with my Author's Note._

_Thank you to my Beta, sixela872. She's always so patient with me, especially when I send her tons of stuff to edit during the holidays._

_I can be reached on tumblr under the username: stacylk_

_And at my writing blog: fightingdragonsanddrawingfairies_

_ix: your trojan's in my head_

Katniss sits on her couch with her knees tucked into her chest the feeling in her legs long gone.

She could still hear his shouts long after she had run out of his room. Katniss had tried to think of anything other than the way he had looked at her, but the image of tears streaming down his face was burnt into her memory.

Her body begins to shake uncontrollably and she draws up her legs and hugs them even more tightly.

Peeta had been honest with her about his feelings, something she knew had been difficult for him, and she had responded with hostility. She had been sitting here for hours mulling over every moment of that night: every expression on his face, every word he uttered and in the end she had concluded that her worst nightmare had come to pass.

She was like her_ mother_.

She left those who cared for her behind with only their pain to keep them company. She had locked herself away for so long that when she finally found someone who understood her she was too damaged to love him back.

Katniss barely registered when the sun began to rise until the light filtered through the blinds, blinding her slightly. She winced against the light and unclenched her hands from around her legs, the sudden movement making her muscles ache. Other than the a deep tingle that rushes through her limbs as she stretches out, every part of her is numb. Almost everything. The hollow feeling in her chest is the most painful. Katniss can feel the tears welling up in her eyes when the tumbler to the front door lock clicks. She sits up straight on the couch, smoothing her hair down and watches her father walk in the room, his shoulders hunched down.

He stops short when he enters the living room, noticing her sitting there. "I didn't think you'd still be up?" He fumbles with his keys before tossing them on the coffee table in front of her.

They stare at each other in an uncomfortable silence until Katniss clears her throat. "Couldn't sleep," her voice heavy from the lack of sleep. She shrugs when he continues to watch her. "Long day."

Her father nods and works his hands through his dark hair before turning toward the stairs. She watches him walk away and something about the way that his shoulders slump indicating defeat unnerves her because in this moment she sees herself years down the line as she regrets her own decisions.

He's nearly to the first step when she jumps from the couch. Her legs are still finding their feeling so she stumbles a bit but her resolve to catch him wakes up her body. Her father had begun to climb the stairs when she speaks. "Why won't you talk to me?" Her voice is so small that she cringes. She feels as though she's eight years old again asking her father why her mother was gone.

He stops and turns to her, his tired brow furrowed. "Katniss?"

Katniss shrugs. "I guess I can't entirely blame you since I've been just as much at fault as you." He watches her warily. "I've let you put me in second place after a ghost. She's not even here and everything we do still revolves around her."

Her father sighs as he reaches out to grasp the bannister. "I'm a little confused here." His eyes fall from her gaze before returning. "What are you wanting me to say?"

She throws her hands up aggravated. "I want for once to have an honest conversation with my Dad."

He reaches with his free hand to the back of his neck rubbing it roughly. "Forgive me, but this is all a little unexpected."

Katniss shakes her head clearly frustrated by her father's obtuseness. "Why? It's not like these aren't issues we've both been ignoring for years."

He sighs as he steps down from the stairs before stopping a few feet from her. "Katniss."

She begins to wring her hands, a nervous habit that always seems to happen when she talks about her mother. "We both walk around this house like we're dead already." Her fingers have already begun to ache from her tight grip as her tears fall down her cheeks. "I can't be like this anymore."

She's taken aback when a few tears fall down her father's face as well. "I miss her."

Katniss nods as she rushes toward him, wrapping her arms around him. "I know." Her voice is muffled against his chest before she settles her cheek against him. "But I can't anymore because I'm so angry with her for leaving that I can't even miss my own mother."

He sighs loudly before wrapping his arms around his daughter. "I thought if I loved her enough it would be alright."

Katniss closes her eyes as he squeezes her tightly and it surprises her how much she missed her father and his embraces. "She was always sick, even before I met her. But when she had good days, it was like all the light came from inside of her. And when she died I felt like she took it with her."

She can hear him sniffle as she pulls away enough to look up into his face. "I look at you, Katniss, and sometimes I see so much of her in you it frightens me."

Katniss shakes her head as the realization comes over her. "I'm not her, Dad. I'm not broken or vulnerable but I'm afraid if I keep closing myself off, if I keep living in this tomb I will become like her. Maybe I won't take my life but it'll be one of loneliness and I'll begin to be a degraded version of myself."

He reaches out to brush her hair away from her face. "I'm not sure how to change."

She nods. "I'm going to go away to school." His hand freezes and she can see the worry in his eyes but she continues. "It's not my responsibility to take care of you, but maybe you can start being my dad again."

He pulls her back to him, hugging her tightly and she can feel him relax. He leans down enough to place his cheek at the top of her head and she can feel him smile. "I'd like that."

Katniss squeezes him back. "Me too."

They stand there silently holding onto each other and as the tears begin to fall steadily neither one runs from the grief that has demanded to be felt for so long. They endure it together, the way it should have been all along.

* * *

She stares down at the acceptance letter and is filled with a sense of hope. Katniss had always seen her future as something to dread, something else to regard as empty and painful, but now she had a chance to be happy.

She draws her legs underneath her tighter and thinks of Peeta. He had given her the strength she needed to speak up, to confront her father. Peeta had given her voice back and all she had done was cause him more pain.

She needs to make it up to him, to tell him he was so much more important to her than she was willing to admit.

That when he held her she felt safe and loved. Feelings that she hadn't experienced in a long time.

The sudden movement outside of her window causes her jump up from her bed. She can barely register what's happening as he climbs through her open window. Katniss approaches the window before Peeta enters the room fully. She watches him brush his jeans and stand up. He looks at her for several minutes - panting , his breathing quick, and his broad chest heaving from the exertion of the climb. She notices his t-shirt is slightly torn at the hem as he lifts it up to mop his sweaty brow. Her own breath hitches as a large part of his toned stomach is visible and she wants nothing more than to reach out and trace the muscles there.

Katniss shakes her head attempting to clear her mind of images pertaining to a half dressed Peeta when she speaks. "What are you doing?"

Peeta drops his shirt as a wry smile plays at his lips. "Oh, so you can climb into my bedroom but I can't do the same? That's sexist." She fights the grin that threatens to overtake her face while pretending to be offended.

The smile finally plays at her lips as she tilts her head to the side. "Peeta." Katniss can feel the warmth radiate off his body and having him so close as he smiles at her is too much. Her gaze flits back to his sweaty t-shirt and the way it clings to his muscular chest before she walks back over to her bed.

She stops a few inches short from the bed and when she turns around to face Peeta his eyes are locked on her. The crooked grin is still at his lips as she watches him. His breathing has slowed but when he begins to take a step forward she can feel her pulse race.

Peeta's expression turns somber as he approaches her. "I just wanted to tell you something and then afterwards I will get out of your life."

She nods as he stops directly in front of her. Katniss can already feel the warmth from his body and she can feel her rapid heartbeat quicken. "Alright."

His arms hang at his sides as his hands nervously fidget with the material of his jeans. "It wasn't right of me to push you like I did."

She looks up into his eyes to catch his gaze and she's mesmerized by how blue his eyes can be. "Peeta."

Peeta breaks their stare for a moment before looking back down at her. "I didn't like who I was when I came here, and because of you I think I have a real shot at being the person I was always meant to be."

He closes his eyes to gain his train of thought and Katniss suddenly feels hollow without his gaze. She nearly works up the strength to reach out to him when he opens his eyes and speaks.

"But here's the thing - I'm terrified that I'll be that guy again, and I know it isn't fair to expect you to fix me or make me like myself. But everything I love or feel is worth living for seems to be wrapped up in you. And I'm going to spend a long time getting over you, but I'll never stop loving you, Katniss. I wouldn't want to."

Katniss nods as she closes the inches between them and places her hands at his chest. She can feel him draw in a strangled breath from the action. "Well, I can't be here with you." The hurt in his eyes appears instantly and she bites her bottom lip before continuing. "Because I'm going away to school and I want you to come with me."

It takes a moment for Peeta to fully register what she's said and Katniss can see him work through a myriad of emotions before his mind seems to clear. "What?"

She smiles widely as her fingers idly play with the material of his shirt. "There's some great art schools on the East Coast." It takes a moment but his face breaks out into a wide grin as well. "Just don't use all of the sketches of me in your portfolio."

His cheeks begin to blush from his apparent embarrassment. "You know about those?"

Katniss nods. "Of course."

"How?"

Her eyes fall to his chest as she begins to run her hands over the plains of his torso. "You fell asleep once and I got curious." Peeta winces when she brushes a spot that is ticklish and she makes a note of it for later.

Peeta laughs as he wraps his arms around her to pull her against his body. "Evidently not curious enough. You didn't see any of the filthy ones."

This surprises her as she looks up at him curiously. "How filthy?"

Peeta leans in close toward her to press his lips to hers. "Oh, really dirty." His breath is warm and tickles her lips as he speaks.

When he pulls back she holds his gaze and the contentment from before returns. He's a breath away from her lips and she wants to lift up the few inches to meet his lips. "I'm not ready to say _it_ yet."

Peeta releases her waist to place his hands at each side of her face, framing it gently. "That's ok. I know you, Katniss Everdeen. I have loved you since I was eight years old and I know you have to come to things in your own time." He closes the gap before she can and runs the tip of his tongue against her bottom lip. She opens her mouth to him and all the heat from last night is flooding back, threatening to overtake all her senses. Peeta is the first to pull away and when he looks at her she can see all of his hope and love in that one gaze. "I'll be here beside you waiting."

She nods as her hands travel around his sides to settle at his back before sliding into the back pockets of his jeans and giving his butt a playful squeeze. "How close will you be while you're waiting?"

Peeta grins and pulls her closer into him, causing his groin to press into her stomach. "As close as possible."

Katniss lightly scratches up his bottom and back as Peeta shivers under her touch. Her hands settle at his broad shoulders. "Good, 'cause I think it's time you show me how lacking the nerd at science camp was."

Peeta laughs before his blue eyes begin to darken. She feels lost in the deep shade as he presses his hips into her body and a warm tingle begins to radiate below her stomach. "I'll put him to shame."

Her fingers travel up the length of his neck to tangle in his curls as he leans down to kiss her. Katniss pulls back slightly, her lips still resting on his. "I wouldn't expect anything less."

A deep affirming growl comes from the back of Peeta's throat as he lifts her up and she wraps her legs around his taut torso. His mouth is wet and hot against hers as every ounce of passion and sexual tension between them is set free. When they fall to her bed, she clings to him for dear life as he works his way up under shirt to roam his hands over her stomach and breasts. The feeling from his touch alone is enough to make her moan out loud and when he places open mouth kisses to her neck she can feel his smile against her skin.

It isn't long until they're both naked and pressed up against each other underneath her sheets, and as he moves inside of her Katniss can understand how easy it can be to lose yourself in another person. To want to be completely immersed in the way that person makes you feel.

But as Peeta takes her hands in his, pushes into her gently, and lowers his mouth to her ear to ask if she's still alright, Katniss knows that it takes two separate people to equally love. So when he lifts up to look into her eyes and she can feel her entire body tighten as her orgasm approaches she can hear the words pass by her lips.

_I love you, too._

_**THE END**_

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_**A/N: That's it! I hope it was everything you were wanting. Thank you for sticking through it all with me. Please Review!  
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